I'm fabulous, now get on the bandwagon

Ive been online dating off and on for a while now. I go through phases where I'm on every site available and other phases where I say this ain't working and give it the proverbial middle finger.

I'm in between both. I socialize on a fairly regular basis. Having realized that I dont get enough UPS deliveries and when i do they dont require signatures, so God was probaby not going to send me the delivery man (at least not the one on my route).  So I get out. I enjoy life. And if my future husband happens to be out and spots me, all the better.

Meanwhile I'm on two online dating sites. My happy medium.  I went and perused my online dating profile to double check what I wrote (honestly I didn't remember). I read my profile and chuckled and smiled and really saw how fabulous the owner of the profile is. Heck, I'd date me.

OMG!!!!

I am so totally awesome I'm smart, funny, domesticated (I cook, cleanish, I sew buttons back on shirts and minor stitching), adaptable, artistic, I got yoback, personality for days, AND I'm kinky(ish).

What the hell is the problem?

Ask for my number, call, and lets have a date.

Don't ask me at 5 what I'm doing. Come through (via text or IM mind you).
Quit asking me when we gone meet or some variation but never ask to meet for coffee. Hell I'll take a bottle of water and a bookstore (actually that is right up my alley. It sounds fabulous. Bring me TWO bottles of water please). And I tell them I'm open for meeting, a date, etc. Never happens.
And if all you plan to do is email and text, then why waste our time? I got better things to do than text a mofo I will never meet. Even if that something better is scratching my left ass cheek. Cuz you know u aint trying to date, court, meet, etc. See if im down for coming over for booty. DEFINITELY. Anything else. NO.

I know men r different. Not used to chasing. Definitely not courting,  but come on.
Really?

I said it once and ill say it again. I'm a gazelle looking for a lion.
Not just any gazelle.

A FABULOUS GAZELLE!

I want be chased (then pounced and eaten. But some stuff comes after the chase and before the pounce).

Hell for the right lion I will white girl trip and fall
"Oh you got me!"

I need a Hitch in my life.  A MALE dating guru. Someone to tell me how all these men are missing damn near the greatest catch of the century. Ill accept it could be me, now where is my Hitch or my Lion?

On a side note. Ill try to post here more often than every year or ever other year. I promise. I'm shooting for once a month or every other month and my dating (or rather non dating life) progresses.
Next post "Kinky don't mean HOE. Step Off..."

And don't worry.  Ill will be posting on my youtube channel as well.

No Sex In The Metro Moving - HAPPY NEW YEAR

Well its been funny folks but I think I will be moving this ole blog to youtube. Yeap I gotta a webcam and I know what to do with it...sort of. I'm getting up with the new times and will begin Vlogging. I am not sure how this will work out, if I will continue to post and link to my blog or abondon you all together. We'll see.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

In the meantime here are the links to my two test vlogs

Vlog #1 and Vlog #2

The date that almost happened. Booty Call?

So I had a date planned for this friday. My first non-online date in years. The plan was to go to a blues club on the south side. Now y'all know that's right up my alley. We made these plans Tuesday. I didnt hear from him Wed or Thurs. For those of you who say it is my job to call next. I honestly was busy. I was working or had appointments and I dont make calls after 10pm. But i digress...

Friday comes around and I just have a feeling its not going to happen. I wasnt worried about what I was going to wear, hell I still had on my doo rag. I called (after 5pm. Let a brotha get off work). No answer. I was in the kitchen chatting with a friend (clearly not rushed to get ready) and she said text and double check. I did. I sent a simple text to ask if we were still on for tonight.
He replies around 6 (date is for 8pm). That he is tied up at work and cant make it.

Now really I'm not boo boo the fool. One of two things occured here. 1. He was held up at work and couldn't make it. No big deal. But the lack of courtesy to call and let me know. Riight. 2. He changed his mind. Again no big deal. Just let me know earlier.
Either way I don't care. I had a sense it wasnt going to happen anyway. You know women know. I never programmed his number. Nothing like that. I do a simple text of maybe next time or something like that.

THEN....
Do you know this negro had the nerve to TEXT me the next day
"Are u down for a booty call?" 9:52pm
"How about some chicken and vodka?"10:15pm

Sadly I dont know which text I find more disgusting.

"Me Tarzan, You Jane"

Yup that is a direct quote from last night. I'm not giving it in full context, but its not that important. It's still a direct quote. (Same lip licking guy from previous post). Now I know I have mentioned several times throughout the lifetime of No Sex In The Metro that I like an assertive guy. I am all about traditional roles. I'm old fashioned kind of gal (with new school taste). But never did I think someone would actually say "Me Tarzan, You Jane."

Hunh! The nerve! The audacity! The indignation! The...I did give him my number.
We'll see.

Fellas - Licking Your Lips Is Not Sexy. It Means Your Broke!

Yup I said it. LL Cool J has gotten men thinking the licking of the lips is sexual and sexy and alludes to all types of wanton behavior. Not for this woman. It means your ass is too broke to buy Chapstick.

Yesterday I was out having a drink and this man walks up to me. Well actually invaded my personal space is more like it, but I digress. We talked until I left the bar. During the whole conversation he kept licking his lips. I can tell he thought it was sexy and spoke volumes. It did. "My lips are chap and I cant afford chapstick." It was sooo annoying. All I could think about was his slobby ass lips that he thought were sexy. I mean every 5 freaking minutes. I blame LL Cool J for this.

I think I'm getting old, because I no longer find it attractive on LL. Nope I find myself looking at him thinking "Man get some Blistex." Its sexy if you do it once, MAYBE twice. After that its just a cry for Vaseline.

No Dates in the Metro

Its been a few months since I've had a date. If I dont get one soon I might have to rename this blog into "No Dates, Sex, Men...in the Metro"

Dont worry, I'll restart my life of prostitution to get some good tidbits for the blog. Anything for my adoring fans.

It's Not Her, It's Him - Yes I'm talking about Fantasia

When will women learn - the other woman is just pussy. You know what sparked this whole commentary. Fantasia. She is being sued for being the other woman. And you know there was a case in Florida where the married woman won when she sued the other woman. I don't know why women always blame the other woman. Now let me just say I have never been the other woman. I love and respect myself too much. Plus who wants a trifling ass cheater.
But the other woman -she's just pussy. It maybe named, Sue, Mary, Jane, Fantasia, but the woman wasn't the problem. It was your cheating ass trifling man. Cheating is a decision. First the man decides to cheat. Now it maybe a split second decision, but it is a decision none the less. I have been out on some windy days, but never have I seen a gust of wind so strong that if makes a mans pants fall off and fall in some punany. NO he DECIDED to stick his dick there. And HE is the one who committed and promised to be faithful to you. The woman well she was a vessel. THAT woman didn't take your man. Your man decided to leave and she was just some pussy.


And to "The Other Woman" - Karma is a bitch. Whereas, I don't believe in going after the other woman hey, Karma is Karma. Maybe it will make you think twice before engaging in amorale behavior. And if/when the wife wins. That doesn't make you a ho, its makes you a John(ette) cause you basically just paid for the dick.