The older I get, I am left to ponder the age old question - Can men and women be friends?
As some of you are aware, in addition to my quest for "Mr. Right" (whatever the hell that means) I am also looking for male friends. My life is pretty damn estrogen filled. Now we all know "friends" has many definitions, however I really do mean the base of the word friend. Not friends with benefits, a friend I kiss sometimes, a friend I sleep with, a friend that I would do anything differently than my female friends...FRIEND.
Chris Rock once defined male friends to females as "break in case of emergency." Well that is not what I am looking for (though I understand sometimes times get hard. Too much wine and everything seems like a good idea). But really can there be a true friendship between a man a woman? Let me rephrase the question
Can a true friendship between an adult male and adult female really exist.
Answer: Depends
Most of our male friends are carry overs. We met them in high school and/or college and they have carried over into our adult lives. These are the strong male bonds we have made. We love them (as friends of course), we depend on them and they us (sometimes) as with all friends. When asked to image a night of hot sweaty sex with them, we cringe. (Though they maybe FOINE). That is how ingrained in FRIENDSHIP we have become.
What about making friends as adults. Can that happen?
Answer - Rarely
This is what experience has taught me (personal and speaking to others on the subject). The rules change when you become an adult. People seek relationships more than friendships. Time is more valuable because you realized you spent your teens and early twenties enjoying that you had all the time in the world. You have cemented your friendships. And though you can always use more the ones that have been with you through it remain your closest. Its harder to meet friends. We're guarded at work, bars and parties don't lend themselves to making friends (unless you're talking about with benefits). Venues that seem to be more conducive to friends are groups, networking events, seminars, and conferences. This is because part of the weed out has been done. You already know you have something in common. (For instance my closest friends I met from a group).
Now lets dissect why friendship, as an adult, to a man is hard.
Married Men
As a single woman you have no business befriending a married male (just my opinion, call me old fashioned) unless you're befriending the couple (can you say third wheel). So then married men are out.
Next - Single Men
As a single woman befriending a single man can be quite difficult. But here are the circumstances to which it can happen.
Meet at work, get along well you have 100000% no desire to sleep with him or get to know him in any way but a buddy. There is ABSOLUTELY no attraction nor the inclination to determine if there could be. AND The SAME GOES FOR THE MAN. Here is a friendship that just may last and grow.
OR
Go out on a date and realize oy vey what have I done. I am SOOOOOO not interested in him, even though he is cool. There is not spark, no sizzle, and I am not attracted to him in anyway. Meanwhile, he feels the exact same way. However, the hanging out is not so bad and everything is Platonic.
THE OTHER SCENARIO
One is interested the other isn't. DO NOT TALK. Let time go by, meet up again years later and IF all parties are completely disinterested THEN AND ONLY THEN can a friendship be built.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Don't try and make friends. Friendship happens naturally. But if are trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. BE FOR DAMN SURE THEY DON'T WANT YOU!!!!
Otherwise, its more stress than its worth and in the end you never had a friend.
