Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Big Girls Need Love Too - Rub My Damn Belly!!!

As we all know I am a lover of Romance. I love to read it and I love to write it. Not just any romance - hot steamy romance, erotic romance, but romance all the same. This past weekend I read a romance with a plus sized character. She was a size 16. Okay that is probably the biggest heroine I've ever read. But damn she came with all the "big girl issues." Why is it every time I read a book with a heroine over a size 8 they have to have issues with their fat ass? Why oh why? Look, women have issues with their size from 0 on up. However, I don't read about that in the single digit numbers. Why oh why cant a big girl be a big girl without fat issues and get some love? Big Girls Need Love Too. We want the romance with the oh so fine Hero without all the baggage of being big. Skinny is sexy, medium is sexy, and big is sexy. Sexy is an attitude. Not everyone over a size 10 is lacking that attitude. And speaking of size when the hell did 10, 11, 12, 13, and hell 14 become FAT. Good grief. But I digress...on to everything-but-fat-heroines in book.

So after being thoroughly disgusted, at reading about some plus sized girl who didn't love herself because she was fat, I thought about all the other books I've read. Not too long ago I read an anthology with black women with big butts. I thought at least one of them would have a little pooch. But no they were all fit. They had what a I like to call a TBWS - True Black Woman's Shape. We may be fit or fat, but black women have ass, hips, and thighs. And so hey the books showed a TBWS - not hating, they need love too. But this rant isn't about them.

And then you have the heroines with perfect bodies and big natural breasts. Well hey they need love too. Just one suggestion as one with big boobs. Don't have them lay down. The scene would go a little something like this.

Alex laid Jennifer down on the bed. He wanted to taste every inch of her starting from the bottom of her feet landing at the top of her head. Nippling her toes he let his tongue glide down her feet. He paused to suck on her ankles, before allowing his tongue to go further north. The gurgling sound ceased him. Quickly he jumped up and separated Jennifer's breast. The Hershey globe's preventing her from breathing.

Yeah that's right. If I lay down I will choke the shit out of myself. Only Pamela Anderson's boobs stay upright...cause they're fake. But you gotta have some lead way in a romance. And big boobed chicks need love too, but this rant isn't about them. (unless those big boobs come with a big gut).

No, this rant is about Big Girls. I am a big girl in the double digits and the first digit is not a 1. So yes I am Big, Fat, Zaftig, Pleasantly Plump, Got Pushin' for the Cushion, Hydraulic action, BBW...whatever term you use - that's me. I read the writers guidelines for Loose Id - they are looking for BBW romances. Really? Then they proceeded to say "a size 12 is not a big woman unless she's 4'10." Well at least someone recognizes.

Believe it or not when I walk down the street people don't shout "Fatty McPherson" or other outrageous remarks, as some books would have you believe. And I have dated men and ALL of them have loved my figure. The gut, the butt, the boobs, the thighs, and the sweet rolls. (That's what someone once called my back fat. I mean they are edible. Really all of me is). Whatever size issues some big girl may have doesn't always come from exes and other men, as some books would have you believe (especially this last book I read). Yes I have a dunlap (my gut done lapped over my belt), but this dunlap is SEXY. Not everyone has all parts of their body sway when they walk down the red carpet. And doesn't the Dunlap need love too? I'm talking about reading romances where the heroines don't all look the same.(And that's from fit to an extra 10-15 pounds. Yeah I've read the "slight pouch" stories too. I'm not talking about them. They need love too and in romance - they get it.)
I actually don't like reading plus sized characters because I get tired of reading about their issues with being fat. (Now we are not talking about health - that a whole nother post. We are talking about self-esteem and big girls getting romance).

Not only do big girls need love too, they need lots and lots and lots of hot sweaty toe curling sex. I have been called a many things in my life but NEVER have I been called a bad lay. Just cause you're big doesn't mean you cant get the dick, you can't get the love, you don't know what you're doing, or you're virginal because of lack of opportunity (being fat until some man sees you as pretty). Good grief. And big girls have stamina. We may get winded sometimes taking the steps at work(damn elevator takes to long), but watch us ride a dick. See don't we last alot longer. And when the men are licking and sucking - well we have ridges, hills, mountains, and valleys all over, not just the breast. Dammit we need love too. Where is our hot sexy romance.
And after all the panting, loving, licking, and sucking. We we've exhausted ourselves past the point of consciousness. When we spoon in the afterglow of multiple orgasms, I want you take your hand and RUB MY DAMN BELLY. It helps me go to sleep.

I went to a reader session with an erotic romance author who writes interracial romance and she said "Why does race have to be an issue?" and so I say "Why does size have to be an issue?"
What is wrong with a plus sized character confident in who she is (size wise at least. We know she will have some issue as that is how romances go). She meets a man who finds her attractive and vice versa. They have hot sweaty sex, work through their issues, and in the end live happily ever after. The story ends while Mr.Tall-Dark-Handsome hero rubs her soft, jiggly belly.

36 comments:

Gwyneth Bolton said...

LOL. As a big girl, I agree. I need love to and a belly rub wouldn't be bad either. I feel challenged to write a romance with a big girl as the lead now...

Great post!

Gwyneth

KD KING said...

See that's what I'm talking about. You've been to the reader/writer conferences. How many of the readers actually look like the heroines.

Make your next book with a big girl heroine. I have one in the works as well.

J. C. said...

Preach on!
Preach on!!
~Jen

KD KING said...

Thanks! That's what happens when I'm home sick. Writing and soap box time.

Michelle Monkou said...

Yo lady, I hear you. But some women want to escape, so they don't want a heroine who looks like them. And even though they can slap their face with their breasts, they don't want to read that in the story.

I can get with the thick thighs, big butt, and stretch marks, but don't ask me to write about bellies. I have one of my own like a kangaroo pouch and it's not going on any of my heroines.

But I understand you wanting us to keep it real. And do agree that a heroine with weight as her crisis is unimaginative. Many men don't care for skinny girls because they want some meat they can hang onto for the ride . . . or so I heard ;-0

KD KING said...

Yeah I know the breast thing, like I say you get some lead way in the story. Though I admit whenever I read a big boobed gal there is inevitable something I read that makes me go "as if," but it doesn't take me out the story. Trust me I dont want to read about folks choking on their boobs either.
But I think there is a lack of plus sized characters or should I say good plus sized characters. I will say that I read Deatri King Beys plus sized heroine and she hit it pretty on target. The heroine was sexy and plump and didn't have a problem with it. But it would be nice to name more than one book. Of course we want to escape. I can count on one hand the number of times I have met men that even physically come close to what I see in a book.
I think the escapist part of the story would be the big gal getting some love (without the big gal issues).
And I've also heard the men want something they can hang onto. Don't know if that's rumor or not. I can only account for the men I've been with and well I'm sure you can guess what they like;)

Celeste O. Norfleet said...

Great post KD! One change. My belly is ticklish, so rub my bottom. Umm, now that's nice. :)

KD KING said...

Girl you might be onto something with that.

Jackye - Mumphrey Realty Group said...

I see a new book on the horizon...You should name it," Big Titties in the City". As a working title...Watch it fly right off the shelves. Ooo, oooh, what about a Full Figured action heroine with telekenetic powers, who falls in love with a bookworm who looks like Tyson Beckford and doesn't realize how fine he is. He could be her lab rat who makes her suits and weapons....

Gwyneth Bolton said...

Big Titties in the City... I like that. LOL. That's HOT. I especially like the Tyson look-alike geek for a boyfriend... I'd read that novel gladly.

Gwyneth

KD KING said...

Jackye - Why are you crazy? You know I've been loving the Hershey lately. That Tyson Beckford geek sounds hot. Hmmm...let me think on that.

Gwen - Lets steal that idea do an anthology called Big Titties in the City. Yeah watch them swing. I'll write the first story called "Nipple Pendelum"

CoachEricka said...

WTF!!! Why the hate on the size 10-14 crowd. We got it tuff...between the skinny heffas and the BBW's with your special stores, special health classes, special lingerie, etc we are left out. So you get no sympathy from me. You got men the love the BBW's and the ones that love the skinny heffas so we get the left overs. Now yall want special porn too...no..no..no...i'm drawing the line right here and noW

I'm starting a blog for chunky heffas...soon as my friend Kim shows me how....SO THERE

KD KING said...

Uuuh Chunky Heffas get love too. You will see a size 10 in an EROTIC ROMANCE(not a porno heffa).

And now I have to show your chunky ass how to do a blog. I know you've got your nerve.

CoachEricka said...

LOL....thanks...you're the best ;)

Shelia said...

Good post. I have written a story where the heroine is a full-figured sister who thinks that if she loses weight all of her problems will go away; but of course they don't.

Yes, we big girls need love too. I don't know why people assume all "big" people are unhealthy because that's a myth.

Like you mentioned, finding a man isn't a problem for most BBWs. You are so telling the truth about having big boobs or as I call mine "double delights;" Well actually, that's what my ex called them but since he's an ex, I'm stealing his phrase. LOL People assume, oh you must have back problems but truthfully I don't. Now I do have a problem finding a good doggone bra. Does anyone have a suggestion on a store online or off other than Lane Bryant??? I have to nearly take out a loan to get a good bra.

KD KING said...

Since I'm in bad need of all new bras I'm out of suggestions. I have shopped Torrid for a few bras (last year). It was the only place I found that had a bra in my size that was strapless (of course I use the clear straps). But I wouldn't call it a support bra. The underwire is nice and all, but it is CLEARLY a going out bra. Normal support bras I dont know. Have you checked out The Avenue or? Do you live in a big city, if so there should be somewhere that does custom bra fittings. In Atlanta its called Silver Linings (I think). Hell if you find a good answer to that let me know. I'm still building my "bra fund"

carmen said...

I am not a fan of the romance novels, however, I do agree that there should be more romantic tales revolving around the confident, sexy, desirable, full-figured woman where her size would only be mentioned as a character description and not used to illustrate a character flaw.

As an aside, I do not particularly care for the term skinny heffa, as a sistah who is in the single digits, size wise, I can tell you that we have our issues too. Believe it or not. Noone is a Supermodel. The Supermodels aren't even Supermodels, they are only mere illusions of some boyish sexual fantasy exploited by men who have never grown up. Sexy is a state of mind. It is how you present yourself. It totally transcends size. If you have low self esteem, someone else can detect it no matter how skinny or big you may be.

Angelia... said...

I love this post and all the women in my books are usually a size fourteen or more and I never use words like fat, big, or heavy, they are just lovely, sexy women, with men chasing after them in droves, like real life!

Blessings,
angelia

Bana said...

I agree with just about everything about this post. In fact, I wrote something similar about this on my own blog (http://bana05.blogspot.com/2008/02/women-and-aa-romance.html). ALL the heroines looked the same. And I try to write heroines with some curves--and I mean have-to-go-to-the-plus-size-section-cu ves. Big women have a lot of love to give, and while I'm not longer a size 20/18/16, I'm still in those double digits, and I'm working on getting to that point I can accept the fact I am a beautiful woman, even if no one but me says that.

Kimber An said...

Oh, that is so funny! And true. I weighed twenty pounds more than I do now on my wedding day and my husband loves me both ways. I didn't diet to lose either. It's the babies who sucked the fat off me, literally. My heroines also come in all sizes, and colors for that matter.

Adam Omega Vampire said...

I loved this. I was laughing and agreeing the entire time. Now you have me trying to think of a big girl story. And believe me fat won't be the issue. LOL


Dyanne

KD KING said...

Carmen - Thanks. And I totally agree, don't beat someone down as a way to build someone else up. "Skinny heffa" gets on my nerves too. Like I said skinny is sexy, medium is sexy, big is sexy. It is an attitued. And women of all sizes have "size issues." Our society is constantly telling us what pretty is and it never seems to fit the image in the mirror.

Angelia - I'm glad. Are they romance? Where oh where can I pick them up?

Bana - Amen sista Amen. One of the things I like best about myself are my legs. I think I have great sexy legs. No one has ever told me that but me. Mine is the only opinion that counts.

Kimber An - Yes I've heard babies can suck the fat away. Guess it's true.

Dyanne - The challenge is on....
And that's right, no fat issues.

Lisa said...

Dear Ms. King,
On behalf of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I would like to thank you for providing a forum for an open and honest discussion on this topic. While we may not have the exact same experiences, the IBTC does empathize with your plight. We agree that there is indeed a perception, and misconception, that women must be of a certain size, a certain weight, and a certain cup size to be worthy of “heroine” status. Those of us for whom bras are more of an accessory than a necessity and cannot find our cleavage with a GPS welcome this much needed dialogue.


Sincerely,
Lisa :-)

evelyn said...

Dangerous Dilemmas by Evelyn Palfrey features a full-figured heroine who loves who she is now--and a big ol' cop who does too. The conflict isn't about her size, but about her son who is accused of murder. The sex may not be erotic enough for you, and the characters may be too old for you (they're 'marvelously mature'), but it's a pretty good story--even if I do say so myself=:) Don't let the cover fool you. It wasn't my choice.

KD KING said...

Lisa - yes the IBTC is also sexy. I may not have mentioned them in my blog posting but they are also an ignored part of romance. I would rememeber reading a scene like
Oh Phillip,I love it when you touch me there.
"Where here" he sticks in tongue into the crevice of her navel, massaging her belly button with it's tip.
"Ooh and Phillip" she leans over on the table and retrieves an object. "My breast GPS meter. When you find them -start sucking."


On befalf on No Sex in the Metro(NSIM), I thank you for your comment.

Ms. Palfrey - *waves frantically* hey remember me, I'm the omelet girl at Slam Jam. I have added the book to my Amazon cart. Uh hem, I'll have you know I read books that aren't erotic...thank you very much. *tapping index finger on chin wondering when was the last time I read a book that wasn't erotic* okay maybe I'm do for a porn...I mean erotica slow down. I will check out the book though. And thanks for writing about a woman with curves without curvy issues.

CV said...

Enjoyed your article, and I'm tired of reading about BBW with issues that stem from wieght. JV

evelyn said...

Omelette Girl!!!! Ouuu how I'm wishing for shrimp and spinach!!! We had a ball at Romance Slam Jam, didn't we????

Evelyn
http://www.evelynpalfrey.com

KD KING said...

CV - Thanks. We are in agreement.

Ms.Palfrey - I'm having friends over for brunch next weekend and guess what I'm making. Shrimp and Spinach omelettes.
Yes I had a blast at Slam Jam. I'm saving my quarters for LA as we speak.

Jeanie & Jayha said...

I almost choked reading that bit about the heroine suffocating in her own cleavage...I laughed so freaking hard I almost suffocated in mine...love the post...absolutely love it...my daughter and I write many heroines who are bbw and their size is part of their appeal...i do agree though that i am not sure how i'd feel about writing about my rolls...now the azz, hips, thighs, and breasts...yeah that's all up in there...smile...and if you have time drop us a line...would love to chat with you. Jayha Leigh

Felicity said...

KD King, great blog, I got abundant bust myself, when I was a size 12-14, they were still abundant, after my daughter, and they are still abundant and I think there are great. I like them their mind, and I didn't have to pay for them. Lol. I write and my heriones are 12-14, large busts, round bottom, flattish waist, they exercise, thick hair, natural, full lips. Very sexy women, they are head turners. I totally agree with you, all types of women want and have romance, even the divorced ones who get married again, even she must have been romanced before she got married for the second time.

Deatri King-Bey said...

Dyanne, I'm hurt.

You forgot Whisper Something Sweet. Monica (Sweetie) was a big girl who loved who she was and knew it was others who had the issue. She got her groove on and loved every minute of it!

But I agree with you KD. When I wrote Sweetie, I wanted her to be as confident as the many of the thick women I know.

And I REFUSED to write the book if it had some stupid cartoon on the cover instead of a real, beautiful, black woman.

Great post.

Peace
Deatri

D said...

LOL! Too funny! And oh so true! Loved your blog, girl. =)

Gwyneth Bolton said...

Dang, you haven't posted on this blog since Jesus was a baby....

Anyway....


Tag you're it! Visit my blog to see what it's all about.

Gwyneth

KD KING said...

Yes I know I know. Im' taking a class online (SQL), finishing the damn book (The Ceremony) as you love to remind me I'm not doing, and I've increased my social life (not dating - of course I am being stalked if that counts). I just havent had time.

kingdaddy said...

Not only do I rub the belly to help her sleep but I rub it during sex too it keeps the boner boned up!

The Paperback Diva said...

This posting and discussion has me laughing and nodding my head. I must tell you that the heroine in my Who's That Lady? is a BBW. She doesn't have issues but has had trouble thinking of herself as sexy, because she's more of the workaholic, friend type. At one point, she reflects that gravity is not a friend of Double-D's...but the hero loves them.

And to my IBTC sistahs--I had a friend who said a man told her it was a mouthful and that's all that counted.