As we all know I am a lover of Romance. I love to read it and I love to write it. Not just any romance - hot steamy romance, erotic romance, but romance all the same. This past weekend I read a romance with a plus sized character. She was a size 16. Okay that is probably the biggest heroine I've ever read. But damn she came with all the "big girl issues." Why is it every time I read a book with a heroine over a size 8 they have to have issues with their fat ass? Why oh why? Look, women have issues with their size from 0 on up. However, I don't read about that in the single digit numbers. Why oh why cant a big girl be a big girl without fat issues and get some love? Big Girls Need Love Too. We want the romance with the oh so fine Hero without all the baggage of being big. Skinny is sexy, medium is sexy, and big is sexy. Sexy is an attitude. Not everyone over a size 10 is lacking that attitude. And speaking of size when the hell did 10, 11, 12, 13, and hell 14 become FAT. Good grief. But I digress...on to everything-but-fat-heroines in book.
So after being thoroughly disgusted, at reading about some plus sized girl who didn't love herself because she was fat, I thought about all the other books I've read. Not too long ago I read an anthology with black women with big butts. I thought at least one of them would have a little pooch. But no they were all fit. They had what a I like to call a TBWS - True Black Woman's Shape. We may be fit or fat, but black women have ass, hips, and thighs. And so hey the books showed a TBWS - not hating, they need love too. But this rant isn't about them.
And then you have the heroines with perfect bodies and big natural breasts. Well hey they need love too. Just one suggestion as one with big boobs. Don't have them lay down. The scene would go a little something like this.
Alex laid Jennifer down on the bed. He wanted to taste every inch of her starting from the bottom of her feet landing at the top of her head. Nippling her toes he let his tongue glide down her feet. He paused to suck on her ankles, before allowing his tongue to go further north. The gurgling sound ceased him. Quickly he jumped up and separated Jennifer's breast. The Hershey globe's preventing her from breathing.
Yeah that's right. If I lay down I will choke the shit out of myself. Only Pamela Anderson's boobs stay upright...cause they're fake. But you gotta have some lead way in a romance. And big boobed chicks need love too, but this rant isn't about them. (unless those big boobs come with a big gut).
No, this rant is about Big Girls. I am a big girl in the double digits and the first digit is not a 1. So yes I am Big, Fat, Zaftig, Pleasantly Plump, Got Pushin' for the Cushion, Hydraulic action, BBW...whatever term you use - that's me. I read the writers guidelines for Loose Id - they are looking for BBW romances. Really? Then they proceeded to say "a size 12 is not a big woman unless she's 4'10." Well at least someone recognizes.
Believe it or not when I walk down the street people don't shout "Fatty McPherson" or other outrageous remarks, as some books would have you believe. And I have dated men and ALL of them have loved my figure. The gut, the butt, the boobs, the thighs, and the sweet rolls. (That's what someone once called my back fat. I mean they are edible. Really all of me is). Whatever size issues some big girl may have doesn't always come from exes and other men, as some books would have you believe (especially this last book I read). Yes I have a dunlap (my gut done lapped over my belt), but this dunlap is SEXY. Not everyone has all parts of their body sway when they walk down the red carpet. And doesn't the Dunlap need love too? I'm talking about reading romances where the heroines don't all look the same.(And that's from fit to an extra 10-15 pounds. Yeah I've read the "slight pouch" stories too. I'm not talking about them. They need love too and in romance - they get it.)
I actually don't like reading plus sized characters because I get tired of reading about their issues with being fat. (Now we are not talking about health - that a whole nother post. We are talking about self-esteem and big girls getting romance).
Not only do big girls need love too, they need lots and lots and lots of hot sweaty toe curling sex. I have been called a many things in my life but NEVER have I been called a bad lay. Just cause you're big doesn't mean you cant get the dick, you can't get the love, you don't know what you're doing, or you're virginal because of lack of opportunity (being fat until some man sees you as pretty). Good grief. And big girls have stamina. We may get winded sometimes taking the steps at work(damn elevator takes to long), but watch us ride a dick. See don't we last alot longer. And when the men are licking and sucking - well we have ridges, hills, mountains, and valleys all over, not just the breast. Dammit we need love too. Where is our hot sexy romance.
And after all the panting, loving, licking, and sucking. We we've exhausted ourselves past the point of consciousness. When we spoon in the afterglow of multiple orgasms, I want you take your hand and RUB MY DAMN BELLY. It helps me go to sleep.
I went to a reader session with an erotic romance author who writes interracial romance and she said "Why does race have to be an issue?" and so I say "Why does size have to be an issue?"
What is wrong with a plus sized character confident in who she is (size wise at least. We know she will have some issue as that is how romances go). She meets a man who finds her attractive and vice versa. They have hot sweaty sex, work through their issues, and in the end live happily ever after. The story ends while Mr.Tall-Dark-Handsome hero rubs her soft, jiggly belly.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Slight Rant - Make a Decision
Okay while leaving my last post I began to get on my soapbox and stopped. So now let me just get something off my chest.
If I have to decide the location of a date one more freaking time I'm going to scream. YOU'RE THE MAN, MAKE A FUCKING DECISION!!!!!!!!!
Whew, I feel so much better. Thanks guys for listening.
*Currently checking my calendar, because even I realize I'm a little off the chain today.*
If I have to decide the location of a date one more freaking time I'm going to scream. YOU'RE THE MAN, MAKE A FUCKING DECISION!!!!!!!!!
Whew, I feel so much better. Thanks guys for listening.
*Currently checking my calendar, because even I realize I'm a little off the chain today.*
The Biology of 30
For the past few years I've heard the whispers of 30. The subtle and not so subtle hints about the changes my body might undergo. Urban Legend I thought. Until...
It happened for me around 29 and a half. Something so profound and indescribable that it took me this long to talk about it and put it on my blog. The change came slowly. It was subtle at first. But then it persisted. Every time I looked around I thought someone knew my secret. My change, my....
Even now I find it hard to discuss. This change in my body. The constant thrumming. I'm horny. And not that "I haven't been laid in a minute" type horny, but a horniness so deep that it starts with my DNA and works it way out to tingle my skin, alter my thoughts, and cause a pulsing in my... well you know.
This is more than lack of sex. Now at this point I'm sure someone is thinking it might have something to do with most of my free time is spent reading or writing highly sensual and/or erotic romances. But I can assure you that is not it. It's not like I've never been horny before, but not like THIS. This is constant. On a REALLY good day it is a low sensation, but I feel it and I'm aware.
Like I said I heard that in your 30's you start hitting a sexual peak that only increases in the 40's. I wonder why? Is it my bodies biological urge to procreate? (Lord I hope not). If anyone has an answer I would be more than happy to know.
And from all verbal accounts it will only get WORSE!!! What am I to do?
This has me worried. I have always prided myself on my ethics and morality. I am not promiscuous, I am not into sex without emotion, I am not into any thing even remotely close to any of this. Those of you who read my blog know how traditional/conservative I am when it comes to men, women, and sleeping around, as well as overall gender roles - I'll do my post on "What Happened to the Real Men" aka "The New Punk Ass Bitch" aka "No Metrosexual Please" aka "Tuck Your Skirt In" aka "Can You Make a Damn Decision"... later.
But I digress, I feel like IF I were to get into a situation I would be like R. Kelly (no, not golden showers and minors)
"My mind's telling me no...but my body, my body's telling me yeees."
So how much is biology connected to mentality and morality?
Notice the use of the word IF - It's not like the dates are rolling in, so as of now it is not an issue, but something that lingers in the back of my head as a concern.
Now let me go look up how to mentor some children and teens, so they can have a higher self esteem and hold out on having sex and know about how to protect themselves. The last thing we need is higher rates of teenage STD's*
* An STD is a kid (yes I said kid. As in child, baby, little one), a crazy person, AIDS, or other Venereal Diseases. I discussed them all in previous posts.
It happened for me around 29 and a half. Something so profound and indescribable that it took me this long to talk about it and put it on my blog. The change came slowly. It was subtle at first. But then it persisted. Every time I looked around I thought someone knew my secret. My change, my....
Even now I find it hard to discuss. This change in my body. The constant thrumming. I'm horny. And not that "I haven't been laid in a minute" type horny, but a horniness so deep that it starts with my DNA and works it way out to tingle my skin, alter my thoughts, and cause a pulsing in my... well you know.
This is more than lack of sex. Now at this point I'm sure someone is thinking it might have something to do with most of my free time is spent reading or writing highly sensual and/or erotic romances. But I can assure you that is not it. It's not like I've never been horny before, but not like THIS. This is constant. On a REALLY good day it is a low sensation, but I feel it and I'm aware.
Like I said I heard that in your 30's you start hitting a sexual peak that only increases in the 40's. I wonder why? Is it my bodies biological urge to procreate? (Lord I hope not). If anyone has an answer I would be more than happy to know.
And from all verbal accounts it will only get WORSE!!! What am I to do?
This has me worried. I have always prided myself on my ethics and morality. I am not promiscuous, I am not into sex without emotion, I am not into any thing even remotely close to any of this. Those of you who read my blog know how traditional/conservative I am when it comes to men, women, and sleeping around, as well as overall gender roles - I'll do my post on "What Happened to the Real Men" aka "The New Punk Ass Bitch" aka "No Metrosexual Please" aka "Tuck Your Skirt In" aka "Can You Make a Damn Decision"... later.
But I digress, I feel like IF I were to get into a situation I would be like R. Kelly (no, not golden showers and minors)
"My mind's telling me no...but my body, my body's telling me yeees."
So how much is biology connected to mentality and morality?
Notice the use of the word IF - It's not like the dates are rolling in, so as of now it is not an issue, but something that lingers in the back of my head as a concern.
Now let me go look up how to mentor some children and teens, so they can have a higher self esteem and hold out on having sex and know about how to protect themselves. The last thing we need is higher rates of teenage STD's*
* An STD is a kid (yes I said kid. As in child, baby, little one), a crazy person, AIDS, or other Venereal Diseases. I discussed them all in previous posts.
Feel Free to Date Any Color, But Don't Tear Us Down on Your Way Out of the Door
A few weeks ago, I was perusing the radio stations and caught wind of a very interesting topic on Steve Harvey in the morning. (Well really it was a rant, but the word 'topic' sounds better)
He was a addressing a black man who was married to a black woman. He cheated on her numerous times and was overall and shitty husband (He described in detail all the things he did in a letter to the show, but I can't remember them all). Then he left her and said "Black women aren't my cup of tea."
The point Harvey made, to which I agree, is date who you want, but why do you have to tear down someone else on the way out the door.
Black Men (some black men) okay white women are you're cup of tea. You prefer them. I get it (Lord knows I see it all the time), but why the hell would you tear down black women and then say "They got too much attitude." or any other number of reason why you don't date black women...anymore. Did you ever wonder why? Again I truly believe love has no color, but why treat one woman (usually the white woman) sooo much better than the other. If you treat someone like shit that's EXACTLY what you get back - SHIT!
Steve Harvey went onto this tirade pretty much my whole journey to work. But that was the sum of it.
It seems black women are prejudged by white people, and black people. Everyone values their women except us. Is this some lingering remnant of slavery? Is this a new fad? And more important when will black women get their turn?
What do you think?
He was a addressing a black man who was married to a black woman. He cheated on her numerous times and was overall and shitty husband (He described in detail all the things he did in a letter to the show, but I can't remember them all). Then he left her and said "Black women aren't my cup of tea."
The point Harvey made, to which I agree, is date who you want, but why do you have to tear down someone else on the way out the door.
Black Men (some black men) okay white women are you're cup of tea. You prefer them. I get it (Lord knows I see it all the time), but why the hell would you tear down black women and then say "They got too much attitude." or any other number of reason why you don't date black women...anymore. Did you ever wonder why? Again I truly believe love has no color, but why treat one woman (usually the white woman) sooo much better than the other. If you treat someone like shit that's EXACTLY what you get back - SHIT!
Steve Harvey went onto this tirade pretty much my whole journey to work. But that was the sum of it.
It seems black women are prejudged by white people, and black people. Everyone values their women except us. Is this some lingering remnant of slavery? Is this a new fad? And more important when will black women get their turn?
What do you think?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
My Limited Skewed View on Men is Affecting My Writing
As we all know, I'm a writer. So I am working on this story, cleaning it up (I got a real nice rejection letter from an Editor). Two things I do before each story are a character GMC chart (Goals, Motivation, Conflict) and list my five points in a story. It just helps me get a starting point and flow.
So anyway I'm doing my internal and external GMC for my heroine. I have three points per block. I'm writing away, really giving my heroine three dimensions and backstory that really explains her movement. She has come alive in my mind and somewhat on paper. I know her, I understand her, and therefore I can write her. Oh yeah, this story is coming together.
I do my five points of a story - oh yeah I love this. Much better plot. Nothing unglued about this.
I go to write my internal and external GMC chart for my hero...nothing. Okay, no problem. Let me take my mind off of it and walk around...nothing. Alrighty then, let me talk it out...nothing.
Kim's View #1
Women are complex. Men are simple
Kim's View #2
Women say part of what they mean. Men say what they mean.
Example
A man says - "I'm just kicking it."
A man really means - I'm just kicking it. I.E. I'm not trying to marry you or date just you. I have no other intentions but to just kick it.
Other interpretations - I'm just kicking it.
A woman says - "I'm just kicking it."
A woman really means - I will date until I find the one I can settle down with. I mean I have no real intentions of marrying. It isn't like someone is asking. Of course it would be nice if they did. The last guy I dated said he was ready for marriage and he ended up cheating on me. So yeah I can be like a man and just kick it. I mean you guys all mean the same thing. But I do hold hope that someone is out there. It could be you, you never know.
Other interpretations - If you want to just kick it, I'm fine with that for now. But I know once we get more serious things will change. I better not catch you messing around either.
You see what I mean. I have such a jacked up view of men and women. Please somebody help!!!!
So anyway I'm doing my internal and external GMC for my heroine. I have three points per block. I'm writing away, really giving my heroine three dimensions and backstory that really explains her movement. She has come alive in my mind and somewhat on paper. I know her, I understand her, and therefore I can write her. Oh yeah, this story is coming together.
I do my five points of a story - oh yeah I love this. Much better plot. Nothing unglued about this.
I go to write my internal and external GMC chart for my hero...nothing. Okay, no problem. Let me take my mind off of it and walk around...nothing. Alrighty then, let me talk it out...nothing.
Kim's View #1
Women are complex. Men are simple
Kim's View #2
Women say part of what they mean. Men say what they mean.
Example
A man says - "I'm just kicking it."
A man really means - I'm just kicking it. I.E. I'm not trying to marry you or date just you. I have no other intentions but to just kick it.
Other interpretations - I'm just kicking it.
A woman says - "I'm just kicking it."
A woman really means - I will date until I find the one I can settle down with. I mean I have no real intentions of marrying. It isn't like someone is asking. Of course it would be nice if they did. The last guy I dated said he was ready for marriage and he ended up cheating on me. So yeah I can be like a man and just kick it. I mean you guys all mean the same thing. But I do hold hope that someone is out there. It could be you, you never know.
Other interpretations - If you want to just kick it, I'm fine with that for now. But I know once we get more serious things will change. I better not catch you messing around either.
You see what I mean. I have such a jacked up view of men and women. Please somebody help!!!!
I was sooo jealous...
A couple of weeks ago I hung out with a friend and her male friend. We all hung out, laughing, talking, drinking, eating, and just having a general good time. I tried to stave off the jealousy that kept trying to creep up.
She has something so precious that I have never been able to achieve - a male friend. I have said on sooo many occasions I have too much estrogen in my life. I wish I had male friends. I am 30 years old and have never been able to achieve that. I mean in high school I had a couple of male friends. It didn't last past that. In college I was never really able to make any. Definitely now that I am grown I'm not.
Making male friends for me has always been an issue of attraction. Either men didn't find me cute or attractive, therefore didn't want to be my friend. OR they did, and whatever friendship we tried to gain was disingenuine because he was trying to GTD (get the draws). But it is not all on them. People flock to each other differently. It wasn't until I became an adult that I truly was comfortable around men. So my opportunities in youth to get and maintain male friends were lost because I didn't know how to be a friend to them. And in adulthood, the rules changed.
She has something so precious that I have never been able to achieve - a male friend. I have said on sooo many occasions I have too much estrogen in my life. I wish I had male friends. I am 30 years old and have never been able to achieve that. I mean in high school I had a couple of male friends. It didn't last past that. In college I was never really able to make any. Definitely now that I am grown I'm not.
Making male friends for me has always been an issue of attraction. Either men didn't find me cute or attractive, therefore didn't want to be my friend. OR they did, and whatever friendship we tried to gain was disingenuine because he was trying to GTD (get the draws). But it is not all on them. People flock to each other differently. It wasn't until I became an adult that I truly was comfortable around men. So my opportunities in youth to get and maintain male friends were lost because I didn't know how to be a friend to them. And in adulthood, the rules changed.
My Admiration and Respect for the Male Species
I know I said in a previous blog that if I were a man my schlong would fall off because I would be so knee deep in all of this available pussy that women throw at men daily.
Well I'd like to change that. If I were a man...I'd be gay.
Women are complicated. Plain and simple. They dont say what they mean and mean what they say. They think to much, ponder on it, and never discuss it with the man, but hold him accountable for it.
It must be confusing and frustrating as hell to date a woman. God love my men for putting up with us. I don't know why men are on the DL, hell just be gay. I understand - women are too complicated. Go for yours.
I came to this conclusion while talking to friends and truly listening to them as they talk about themselves and men they are seeing. And everytime I do I cant help but to think "Damn we're complicated."
So this is my bow to the straight men for putting up with us.
Please keep in mind that I'm not excusing men for their behavior - lying, cheating, etc. (for those who do this) I'm just pointing out flaws in women.
Well I'd like to change that. If I were a man...I'd be gay.
Women are complicated. Plain and simple. They dont say what they mean and mean what they say. They think to much, ponder on it, and never discuss it with the man, but hold him accountable for it.
It must be confusing and frustrating as hell to date a woman. God love my men for putting up with us. I don't know why men are on the DL, hell just be gay. I understand - women are too complicated. Go for yours.
I came to this conclusion while talking to friends and truly listening to them as they talk about themselves and men they are seeing. And everytime I do I cant help but to think "Damn we're complicated."
So this is my bow to the straight men for putting up with us.
Please keep in mind that I'm not excusing men for their behavior - lying, cheating, etc. (for those who do this) I'm just pointing out flaws in women.
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