As I have been gone for a while and meaning to post here are the upcoming posts which I will be discussing at a later date.
Mars and Venus - Can a friendship truly exit?
Fat = Ugly - why the hateration?
Big girl with cute guy - A reported sighting.
Sasquatch...mmm me so horny
The socio-economics of attraction
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Three Headed Unicorn - Young Asian Couples
The other day I saw a young Asian couple at the movies. I stared at them like I was looking at the three headed unicorn. I almost whipped out my cell phone and took a picture. It was like seeing the Loch Ness monster. No one would believe me if I told them I saw it.
As a black woman, I am sensitive to my own plight. Yes there are brothers out there who still date black women, that I know and that I'm sure of. However, we've all seen that statistic that Black Women are some 40 odd percent likely to not be married. And how black men date black women - yada yada yada. No need to rehash the same old discussion.
However, at least I see and know of black couples - young and old. I really feel sorry for Asian Men, because good Lord how often do you see a young Asian woman with an Asian man. I'll wait while you ponder on that............... still waiting.
Yes I've seen them. I even have a friend who is Asian and so is her boyfriend *gasp* but in general that is not a common every day occurrence. So this is a shout out to my Asian brotheren. Keep your head up. You too will find your match someday.
As a black woman, I am sensitive to my own plight. Yes there are brothers out there who still date black women, that I know and that I'm sure of. However, we've all seen that statistic that Black Women are some 40 odd percent likely to not be married. And how black men date black women - yada yada yada. No need to rehash the same old discussion.
However, at least I see and know of black couples - young and old. I really feel sorry for Asian Men, because good Lord how often do you see a young Asian woman with an Asian man. I'll wait while you ponder on that............... still waiting.
Yes I've seen them. I even have a friend who is Asian and so is her boyfriend *gasp* but in general that is not a common every day occurrence. So this is a shout out to my Asian brotheren. Keep your head up. You too will find your match someday.
Too funny to be pissed
I ALMOST had a date this Friday. Then I would have something to type, However as always things just go down hill after "Hello."
I'll fast forward to the good parts because the rest is boring. Finalizing some plans. I told him to make the decision (Nothing like an aggressive man. BTW - Aggressive and disrespectful are not synonyms. Just in case someone wanted to say something). We tossed around shooting pool, which to me is fun as long as there is no smoke (I have asthma). I was at work so we got off the phone, and he was going to call later while he thought of something comfortable and fun - similar to pool but with no smoke.
He emails me with his final plans.
'Let your hair down with Scorpio passion, dinner and drinks with a night cap for the grown and sexy.'
Good Lord are you kidding me? So at this point we all know I am beyond disinterested. My fingers couldn't help it though, I had to ask.
"What's a night cap for the grown and sexy?"
"...a night cap is forgetting the rules 4 one night and let me take u to extacy baby."
I doubled over laughing. Couldn't help it that was one of the funny things I have ever read/heard. ESPECIALLY since he couldn't spell ecstasy. Needless to say I didn't answer when he called, but I slow chuckled on that for the rest of the day. Wonder If I would have gotten a different response if I would have told him I was ANYTHING but a Scorpio.
That comment comes in close call to
White truck slowly rolls up and and pulls beside me. I am standing in the parking lot. "MMMmm girl look at them thick ass legs, I throw some bar-que-sauce on them bitches and lick em dry."
It was Memorial Day weekend guess he was in the holiday spirit. Now I was partying in the Dec (Decatur, GA) so can't say I was all that shocked.
I'll fast forward to the good parts because the rest is boring. Finalizing some plans. I told him to make the decision (Nothing like an aggressive man. BTW - Aggressive and disrespectful are not synonyms. Just in case someone wanted to say something). We tossed around shooting pool, which to me is fun as long as there is no smoke (I have asthma). I was at work so we got off the phone, and he was going to call later while he thought of something comfortable and fun - similar to pool but with no smoke.
He emails me with his final plans.
'Let your hair down with Scorpio passion, dinner and drinks with a night cap for the grown and sexy.'
Good Lord are you kidding me? So at this point we all know I am beyond disinterested. My fingers couldn't help it though, I had to ask.
"What's a night cap for the grown and sexy?"
"...a night cap is forgetting the rules 4 one night and let me take u to extacy baby."
I doubled over laughing. Couldn't help it that was one of the funny things I have ever read/heard. ESPECIALLY since he couldn't spell ecstasy. Needless to say I didn't answer when he called, but I slow chuckled on that for the rest of the day. Wonder If I would have gotten a different response if I would have told him I was ANYTHING but a Scorpio.
That comment comes in close call to
White truck slowly rolls up and and pulls beside me. I am standing in the parking lot. "MMMmm girl look at them thick ass legs, I throw some bar-que-sauce on them bitches and lick em dry."
It was Memorial Day weekend guess he was in the holiday spirit. Now I was partying in the Dec (Decatur, GA) so can't say I was all that shocked.
I'm a Scorpio...So what!!
Another fascinating thing I have discovered - I CANNOT tell men my sign. For those of you who have already read my previous threads, you know I also cannot tell them what I write. My answer is now "I write fiction."
"What type?"
"General fiction."
Because anything else and it's all down hill. Nope I can't even say I write paranormal romance. So that's fine. NOW to add to the list, I cannot give my sign. I have no intention of lying about it. (Pretty hard to with a big ass scorpion tattooed on my body). And it is one of those questions that EVERYBODY asks. Well except me, because I could care less. The only reason my tattoo is a Scorpion is the tattoo artist was tired of doing hearts and butterflies so I opted for something different (after hearing his 15 minute tirade). The picture jumped out at me, so I got it permanently embedded in my skin, and I like it. But I digress, this post isn't about my tattoo.
Let me backtrack and take you into my life and the mind a man - a simple man. We all know that whenever anyone thinks Scorpio they assume they are a freak (I will neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement.)
As SOON as my sign is mentioned I get something to the effect of
"Oh" a stare, his eyes perusing my body from head to toe. A stark hunger there like he was famished and I'm a big ass steak.
"Hmm" wicked grin "so you're a freak hunh."
Licks the lips, grabs his bottom lip in between his teeth slowly releasing it "Really?"
OR
if its an online chat situation the topic IMMEDIATELY turns to sex at which point I leave.
Men, if you're reading let me enlighten you.
Freak DOES NOT equal promiscuous. (I will elaborate on this later.)
Just because I am a Scorpio, I will not drop to my knees and suck you dick right there. I will not hop into bed with you that night or any other night. Nor do I want to talk about sex with a complete fucking stranger. Geesh!
Now back to my other point FREAK and HO are not interchangeable words. (Disclaimer - the word HO is a unisex word.)
Let me break it down for you.
FREAK - a person who is sexually adventurous. Wiling to try various sexual positions and arenas.
HO - a person who has little to no standards about their sexual partners. A person who sleeps with many people at once and/or separately. A person who bed hops from one night stand to another.
Example #1 - A person is in a committed relationship (lets say marriage). In that committed relationship they have sex, with each other. They have missionary, doggy style, oral sex, anal sex, bent forwards, bent backwards, legs up, legs down, legs twisted, whips, chains, leather, feathers, cotton, naked, fingers, toys, food, rubber, etc. They do it in the bed, on the window, in the car, on the steps, on the table, in the club, on the roof, on the chandelier while it swings, the park, the ocean, the rocks, the street, etc.
That person is a freak! (well to some, to others its just normal sex, but I digress)
Example #2 - A person meets someone, shortly after they have sex. This is not uncommon for that person. The person pretty much only likes missionary and MAYBE doggy style.
That person is a ho! (and a lazy lay, but I digress)
YES, I'm a Scorpio and NO you're not getting any.
Stay tuned for more in the life of being disrespected all the freaking time!!! (Clearly I'm in vent mode.)
"What type?"
"General fiction."
Because anything else and it's all down hill. Nope I can't even say I write paranormal romance. So that's fine. NOW to add to the list, I cannot give my sign. I have no intention of lying about it. (Pretty hard to with a big ass scorpion tattooed on my body). And it is one of those questions that EVERYBODY asks. Well except me, because I could care less. The only reason my tattoo is a Scorpion is the tattoo artist was tired of doing hearts and butterflies so I opted for something different (after hearing his 15 minute tirade). The picture jumped out at me, so I got it permanently embedded in my skin, and I like it. But I digress, this post isn't about my tattoo.
Let me backtrack and take you into my life and the mind a man - a simple man. We all know that whenever anyone thinks Scorpio they assume they are a freak (I will neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement.)
As SOON as my sign is mentioned I get something to the effect of
"Oh" a stare, his eyes perusing my body from head to toe. A stark hunger there like he was famished and I'm a big ass steak.
"Hmm" wicked grin "so you're a freak hunh."
Licks the lips, grabs his bottom lip in between his teeth slowly releasing it "Really?"
OR
if its an online chat situation the topic IMMEDIATELY turns to sex at which point I leave.
Men, if you're reading let me enlighten you.
Freak DOES NOT equal promiscuous. (I will elaborate on this later.)
Just because I am a Scorpio, I will not drop to my knees and suck you dick right there. I will not hop into bed with you that night or any other night. Nor do I want to talk about sex with a complete fucking stranger. Geesh!
Now back to my other point FREAK and HO are not interchangeable words. (Disclaimer - the word HO is a unisex word.)
Let me break it down for you.
FREAK - a person who is sexually adventurous. Wiling to try various sexual positions and arenas.
HO - a person who has little to no standards about their sexual partners. A person who sleeps with many people at once and/or separately. A person who bed hops from one night stand to another.
Example #1 - A person is in a committed relationship (lets say marriage). In that committed relationship they have sex, with each other. They have missionary, doggy style, oral sex, anal sex, bent forwards, bent backwards, legs up, legs down, legs twisted, whips, chains, leather, feathers, cotton, naked, fingers, toys, food, rubber, etc. They do it in the bed, on the window, in the car, on the steps, on the table, in the club, on the roof, on the chandelier while it swings, the park, the ocean, the rocks, the street, etc.
That person is a freak! (well to some, to others its just normal sex, but I digress)
Example #2 - A person meets someone, shortly after they have sex. This is not uncommon for that person. The person pretty much only likes missionary and MAYBE doggy style.
That person is a ho! (and a lazy lay, but I digress)
YES, I'm a Scorpio and NO you're not getting any.
Stay tuned for more in the life of being disrespected all the freaking time!!! (Clearly I'm in vent mode.)
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
So a while ago I went out on a date with this guy who was 6'7" I mention his height because it was his best attribute. Anywho, we had a date and made plans for another to which I was stood up. Now I knew he was going to stand me up. How did I know?
He calls me, lets me know he had a good time and would like to see me again. We decide to see a movie that Saturday. However, both of us had things to do that Saturday. I had a meeting (ie meeting and catching up with friends for late lunch) that I knew what time started but had no idea what time it would end. He also had a expo that he didn't know what time he would be out.
I informed him that I was pretty sure I would be out by 4ish. He said he would call me that morning to give me a time.
He called that morning, I was in the shower. I called back (I can't remember if he answered or we played phone tag for five minutes). Anywho, he was
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Fine and you?"
Silence
Then some other non-descript chit chat. HIs only purpose in calling was to give me the time. We already had the location and movie. So I'm on the phone like this is some bullshit. I'm not going to ask/beg for a date. So I got off the phone. It was pointless chatter, not going anywhere and I could tell he was wanting something from me. Which I wasn't giving.
"Well I'm here at the place."
I can't remember if he said "Oh well call me back" or "I'll call you back."
Needless to say I didn't hear from him and I didn't go to the movie that night.
Sooo, he called like a week later. Can't remember the details of that conversation, but hey not important. I deleted his number shortly after.
He catches me online a month later and im's me. Then calls (hell his number is deleted so I don't recognize it).
We chit chat, and the moral is he asks for a second chance to make it up to me. Well I had several thoughts to go through my head
1. I really want to go to a blues club and maybe this is my ticket there
2. I have nothing to put on my blog
3. Free food
4. Damn, none of it seems worth it.
Number 1 and 2 won out (yeah I sacrifice for my adoring fans...all two of them:)
We spoke the next day and I realized/remember thinking he is a man who wants to be pursued by a woman. He wants the woman to show their interest and pursue. In fact he said somethign like he doesn't want to put in effort for it not to work out. Oh my God, Talk about a lazy ass man (see post on The Laziness of Men and If I Were A Man, My Scholong would fall off).
To make a long story short (yeah I know too late). The second chance date...I was stood up again. No call, no follow-up, nothing. Of course, I knew there wouldn't be.
(And before people, or rather the both of you, jump down my throat that I could call I did. Now granted it was in extreme boredom and I actually rolled my eyes before calling, but I did call. Of course, no answer)
Now that was ALL my fault. I am only posting this because Gwyneth needed an update.
Now here is the sad, sad statistic. I have been stood up ALOT. If I were a lesser woman I would be a bit depressed about that.
I am a firm believer in find the common denominator in situations, and the common denominator is me, but for the life of me I still can't figure it out. Cause if there is something that was a turn off, why make the plans.
And yes I DO NOT believe in persuing men. I am aggressive in all areas of life, but I don't wan tthe man I had to work hard for, and take all the initiative, just to get a date or attention. It just sets the precdence anyway.
Okay this has officially turned into a ramble. So I will end it now.
But I will say all the red flags went up from date one (just wasn't my type and he spent too much time talking about relationships. I'm like dude I just met you), but this damn blog has me seeking dates anywhere (don't you love how I blame you for it:)
He calls me, lets me know he had a good time and would like to see me again. We decide to see a movie that Saturday. However, both of us had things to do that Saturday. I had a meeting (ie meeting and catching up with friends for late lunch) that I knew what time started but had no idea what time it would end. He also had a expo that he didn't know what time he would be out.
I informed him that I was pretty sure I would be out by 4ish. He said he would call me that morning to give me a time.
He called that morning, I was in the shower. I called back (I can't remember if he answered or we played phone tag for five minutes). Anywho, he was
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Fine and you?"
Silence
Then some other non-descript chit chat. HIs only purpose in calling was to give me the time. We already had the location and movie. So I'm on the phone like this is some bullshit. I'm not going to ask/beg for a date. So I got off the phone. It was pointless chatter, not going anywhere and I could tell he was wanting something from me. Which I wasn't giving.
"Well I'm here at the place."
I can't remember if he said "Oh well call me back" or "I'll call you back."
Needless to say I didn't hear from him and I didn't go to the movie that night.
Sooo, he called like a week later. Can't remember the details of that conversation, but hey not important. I deleted his number shortly after.
He catches me online a month later and im's me. Then calls (hell his number is deleted so I don't recognize it).
We chit chat, and the moral is he asks for a second chance to make it up to me. Well I had several thoughts to go through my head
1. I really want to go to a blues club and maybe this is my ticket there
2. I have nothing to put on my blog
3. Free food
4. Damn, none of it seems worth it.
Number 1 and 2 won out (yeah I sacrifice for my adoring fans...all two of them:)
We spoke the next day and I realized/remember thinking he is a man who wants to be pursued by a woman. He wants the woman to show their interest and pursue. In fact he said somethign like he doesn't want to put in effort for it not to work out. Oh my God, Talk about a lazy ass man (see post on The Laziness of Men and If I Were A Man, My Scholong would fall off).
To make a long story short (yeah I know too late). The second chance date...I was stood up again. No call, no follow-up, nothing. Of course, I knew there wouldn't be.
(And before people, or rather the both of you, jump down my throat that I could call I did. Now granted it was in extreme boredom and I actually rolled my eyes before calling, but I did call. Of course, no answer)
Now that was ALL my fault. I am only posting this because Gwyneth needed an update.
Now here is the sad, sad statistic. I have been stood up ALOT. If I were a lesser woman I would be a bit depressed about that.
I am a firm believer in find the common denominator in situations, and the common denominator is me, but for the life of me I still can't figure it out. Cause if there is something that was a turn off, why make the plans.
And yes I DO NOT believe in persuing men. I am aggressive in all areas of life, but I don't wan tthe man I had to work hard for, and take all the initiative, just to get a date or attention. It just sets the precdence anyway.
Okay this has officially turned into a ramble. So I will end it now.
But I will say all the red flags went up from date one (just wasn't my type and he spent too much time talking about relationships. I'm like dude I just met you), but this damn blog has me seeking dates anywhere (don't you love how I blame you for it:)
Monday, March 5, 2007
Big Gals and Big Dudes - slight change of mind
So I never mentioned that The White Guy (here on after referred to as TWG) was a big dude. Incidentally he also the same one that is "Determined Much??"
It didn't really bother me. Having spouted all that about big dudes and big girls not belonging together. I tell you hugging him was the best hug ever. All cuddly and soft.
I remember thinking, damn is this what it's like to hug me. I mean I'm full of squishy softness. Damn dudes are lucky as hell to get a hug from me, I didn't realize it felt that damn good (AND I got big boobs to boot).
Yeah I'm vain I know.
It didn't really bother me. Having spouted all that about big dudes and big girls not belonging together. I tell you hugging him was the best hug ever. All cuddly and soft.
I remember thinking, damn is this what it's like to hug me. I mean I'm full of squishy softness. Damn dudes are lucky as hell to get a hug from me, I didn't realize it felt that damn good (AND I got big boobs to boot).
Yeah I'm vain I know.
Discussion: Worst date ever
Well its a tie between the guy who insulted me and called me talentless throughout coffee and my date with "Bob". Since I mentioned the insulting guy I'll tell you about "Bob".
In an age where life is work and work is life, sometimes its hard to find people to date. The onset of internet dating sites has helped move that path along. I was on several dating sites (and really I still am, hell I need something to type in this blog). One of which was a site called blackvoices. It garnered me a few dates. Not bad, not great, but hey it was free.
I received a witty email from a guy named "Bob", so I responded. Witty emails always get me. I hate those one liners "Tell me about you." or "Hello" and all other things unimaginitive. I prefer not to do all the damn work to get to know someone...but I digress. We exchanged emails for a bit. And of course we exchanged pictures. Let me tell you something "Bob" was not my type. He was cute, but he was a big dude. Now I couldn't tell how big because I only had a head shot, but I could tell he was not my normal average build I like. I'm all about giving everyone a shot, and he did have a cute face *cringing* (I can't believe I just said that. Cause if someone said that to me, there would be a bitch slapping coming two seconds later. Hell my gut, which is strictly for decoration, is sexy.) I say that because all I saw was his face. I shrugged it off. We continuted to exchange emails. We exchanged phone numbers and chatted it up abit.
My God that man talked more than I did, which was some feat. But other than that it was cool, cause he did listen. Oh you guys will love this he as a music producer. Roight! Well for those of you unfamiliar with Atlanta culture damn near EVERYONE here is in the music business or trying to get into it. So that was no big surprise, cause he had a regular job to pay his bills until the production thing got off. So a brother with a plan and sensible. Hell I'm a writer, but my "pay the bills" job isn't. He was in QA (aka "a computer dude").
Now the first mistake was him suggesting a vegetarian chinese place. Now you know you need to quit fronting. I'm big you big, why the hell are we going to a vegetarian place. But whatever I'm into new things. So I agreed.
I arrived first (I sooo didn't intend to do that). He got off work late. (Damn him for ruining my plan of getting there after him). I sat in my car and waited (why cause I didn't want to wait in the restaurant. Besides he didn't know what time I got there, so I was able to say "oh I just pulled up")
I saw him in his car and thought "Wow, he's bigger than I thought." (Nothing against big dudes. Hell I'm a big girl. But its all about preference. Two big ass guts rubbing against each other, with no penetration. that's just not my thing. More power to those who work it out, it's just not me.)
Then he got out of the car and my mouth fell. Oh my goodness, he is waaaaaaaaay bigger than I thought. He bent over to get something out of the car and I thought it was going to be a cane to help him walk. It wasn't. It was a bag or briefcase.
We greeted and went into the restaurant. The interior was decorated with red and gold. The restaurant only had a couple of other patrons. The lighting was dim, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. We were seated immediately.
Now if you remember I said he was a talker, so really there was nothing for me to say after "Hello" he took it from there. He raved about the restaurant. "Oh try their soup."
Now for those of you who may have struggled with your weight like I have, you may remember that "cabbage soup diet." Well THATS what their soup was. I ate damn cabbage soup enough to recognize it.
"Man my boys took me out to eat I am stuffed." He rubbed his belly for effect.
Now I also knew he had gotten paid that day so he couldn't be too broke to pay so that wasn't a worry, but what the hell. I shrugged it off and studied the menu. Wondering what the hell I would eat from a freaking vegan restaurant. Oh yes I discovered when I got there it was vegan.
People I'm from the midwest. We eat three things there. Meat, meat, and meat. Yes we love our potatoes and corn but only as side dish to our meat.
"Oh I know what you want."
I was busy studying the menu, I looked up at him silently asking him to answer the question that I did not ask - What do I want to eat?
"You're looking at that General Tso's chicken aren't you?"
Now keep in mind the chicken is fake. Of course I didn't want that. Nor did I ever mention anythign about being a huge fan of chicken to make him think that. I didn't know if he was throwing a hint, so I looked at the price of the general tso and looked at the price of what I wanted and realized there was only a $2 difference in price. I looked at him like he was stupid. "No, i was actually looking at the five pot stew."
"Oh okay that looks cool, too." He commented again on how full he was cause he ate a big lunch.
Now NORMALLY I'm not one to talk about people, but come on. The both of us had probably never skipped a meal in our life no matter what the previous meal consisted of. Now all of a sudden you are stuffed beyond belief. Roight.
"Well I'm not hungry, but get whatever you want. I had a big lunch."
WTF? "Okay"
We continued to talk aka he continued to talk. The waitress brought out a big pot of rice, as normal with a asian restaurant and two plates. Why did she bring out two plates? I watched her place them on the table and walk away, but I said nothing. My face took on a slight frown, but I quickly shook it off and continued to listen, partially, to "Bob".
I feel the need to defend a bit. I was able to talk during the dinner. But yes at several points I just heard echoes of noise and didn't really pay attention.
The waitress brought his soup out.
People I'm sure we've all been to restaurants andordered soup as a meal and you get a nice big bowl of soup. This wasn't it. This was the small appetizer bowl of soup you get that comes with your lunch when you go to your local chinese restaurant from 11am -3pm.
My mouth dropped when I saw it, I quickly closed it. NO the hell he didn't just order that. Who is he lying to? My pot of stew came. I opened the lid to the stew. I saw the steam rise from the liquid, the mushrooms rose ontop. It smelled delicious. I stirred it to get a look at what else was in this vegan creation. (yeah it wasn't a vegetarian restaurant, it was vegan). It smelled great. I scooped the rice on my plate, poured some of the brown gravy ontop. I picked out a piece of fake shrimp and fake scallop along with some mushrooms (the only sure thing in there). I looked at him and his pitiful bowl of soup, but knew he wasn't hungry. But courtesy said to offer him a taste. "Did you want a taste?"
"Oh trust me I'm going to get some?" He seemed so eager.
Oookay. I nodded my head "OK"
I did not like the fake shrimp, or the fake scallop. I looked up and saw him take two to three scoops of my rice and heft it onto his plate. Then he took the same amount of scoops of my stew and hefted it onto his plate. At this point sheer and utter shock and stupifidication (yeah I know not a word) took over. I closed my eyes and opened them. No, he really was eating all my food.
"Mmmm, this good." he shoveled another hefty spoonful in his mouth "This is real good."
I don't remember what I said or if my mouth actually moved. It may have been a gentle nod or I may have just stared. At some point it occured to me to eat my food. But I actually didn't like the fake stuff I wanted the gravy and the vegetables. My plan was to pick over it and eat what I liked, of my meal. I snapped out it long enought to eat some more of the food on my plate. Which incidentally had about one third of the amount of food on his plate.
"Man this is good, I'm going to take some of this home to my brother."
What!
He continued to talk. I surfed around the pot and fetched a mushroom of sorts. He got seconds. He contined praising the food and talking about somethign else. I looked around the restaurant for the hidden camera's. Punked wasn't out yet, but Candid Camera sure was.
I guess since I had stopped eating he thought I was finished. Which I was. At that point I realized it was his meal. It had to have been. He asked for a to go plate. He continued to talk and chat and talk. "My brother is going to love this." He took the rest of the race and placed it in the styrofoam container then poured the broth on top. The little crunchy chips the sat on the table, he dumped into the small tray of his to go container. As he was closing the lid, he paused like an after thought and pointed to the food. "Oh did you want some of this."
I kindly shook my head "No."
He continued to talk, I looked at my watch. He paid the bill and we left. THEN he wanted me to listen to one of his groups. Really and truly I wanted to leave. I was HUNGRY!!! After all, I hadn't eaten dinner.
After listening to it I hopped in my car and darted on the expressway. I frantically searched the highway signs for locations of fast food restaurants. Wendys! yay, I exited and followed the signs, and FINALLY had my dinner. That was the BEST freaking burger of my life.
Worst Date - When "Bob" ate my freaking dinner.
Okay you're turn. What is your worst date.
In an age where life is work and work is life, sometimes its hard to find people to date. The onset of internet dating sites has helped move that path along. I was on several dating sites (and really I still am, hell I need something to type in this blog). One of which was a site called blackvoices. It garnered me a few dates. Not bad, not great, but hey it was free.
I received a witty email from a guy named "Bob", so I responded. Witty emails always get me. I hate those one liners "Tell me about you." or "Hello" and all other things unimaginitive. I prefer not to do all the damn work to get to know someone...but I digress. We exchanged emails for a bit. And of course we exchanged pictures. Let me tell you something "Bob" was not my type. He was cute, but he was a big dude. Now I couldn't tell how big because I only had a head shot, but I could tell he was not my normal average build I like. I'm all about giving everyone a shot, and he did have a cute face *cringing* (I can't believe I just said that. Cause if someone said that to me, there would be a bitch slapping coming two seconds later. Hell my gut, which is strictly for decoration, is sexy.) I say that because all I saw was his face. I shrugged it off. We continuted to exchange emails. We exchanged phone numbers and chatted it up abit.
My God that man talked more than I did, which was some feat. But other than that it was cool, cause he did listen. Oh you guys will love this he as a music producer. Roight! Well for those of you unfamiliar with Atlanta culture damn near EVERYONE here is in the music business or trying to get into it. So that was no big surprise, cause he had a regular job to pay his bills until the production thing got off. So a brother with a plan and sensible. Hell I'm a writer, but my "pay the bills" job isn't. He was in QA (aka "a computer dude").
Now the first mistake was him suggesting a vegetarian chinese place. Now you know you need to quit fronting. I'm big you big, why the hell are we going to a vegetarian place. But whatever I'm into new things. So I agreed.
I arrived first (I sooo didn't intend to do that). He got off work late. (Damn him for ruining my plan of getting there after him). I sat in my car and waited (why cause I didn't want to wait in the restaurant. Besides he didn't know what time I got there, so I was able to say "oh I just pulled up")
I saw him in his car and thought "Wow, he's bigger than I thought." (Nothing against big dudes. Hell I'm a big girl. But its all about preference. Two big ass guts rubbing against each other, with no penetration. that's just not my thing. More power to those who work it out, it's just not me.)
Then he got out of the car and my mouth fell. Oh my goodness, he is waaaaaaaaay bigger than I thought. He bent over to get something out of the car and I thought it was going to be a cane to help him walk. It wasn't. It was a bag or briefcase.
We greeted and went into the restaurant. The interior was decorated with red and gold. The restaurant only had a couple of other patrons. The lighting was dim, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. We were seated immediately.
Now if you remember I said he was a talker, so really there was nothing for me to say after "Hello" he took it from there. He raved about the restaurant. "Oh try their soup."
Now for those of you who may have struggled with your weight like I have, you may remember that "cabbage soup diet." Well THATS what their soup was. I ate damn cabbage soup enough to recognize it.
"Man my boys took me out to eat I am stuffed." He rubbed his belly for effect.
Now I also knew he had gotten paid that day so he couldn't be too broke to pay so that wasn't a worry, but what the hell. I shrugged it off and studied the menu. Wondering what the hell I would eat from a freaking vegan restaurant. Oh yes I discovered when I got there it was vegan.
People I'm from the midwest. We eat three things there. Meat, meat, and meat. Yes we love our potatoes and corn but only as side dish to our meat.
"Oh I know what you want."
I was busy studying the menu, I looked up at him silently asking him to answer the question that I did not ask - What do I want to eat?
"You're looking at that General Tso's chicken aren't you?"
Now keep in mind the chicken is fake. Of course I didn't want that. Nor did I ever mention anythign about being a huge fan of chicken to make him think that. I didn't know if he was throwing a hint, so I looked at the price of the general tso and looked at the price of what I wanted and realized there was only a $2 difference in price. I looked at him like he was stupid. "No, i was actually looking at the five pot stew."
"Oh okay that looks cool, too." He commented again on how full he was cause he ate a big lunch.
Now NORMALLY I'm not one to talk about people, but come on. The both of us had probably never skipped a meal in our life no matter what the previous meal consisted of. Now all of a sudden you are stuffed beyond belief. Roight.
"Well I'm not hungry, but get whatever you want. I had a big lunch."
WTF? "Okay"
We continued to talk aka he continued to talk. The waitress brought out a big pot of rice, as normal with a asian restaurant and two plates. Why did she bring out two plates? I watched her place them on the table and walk away, but I said nothing. My face took on a slight frown, but I quickly shook it off and continued to listen, partially, to "Bob".
I feel the need to defend a bit. I was able to talk during the dinner. But yes at several points I just heard echoes of noise and didn't really pay attention.
The waitress brought his soup out.
People I'm sure we've all been to restaurants andordered soup as a meal and you get a nice big bowl of soup. This wasn't it. This was the small appetizer bowl of soup you get that comes with your lunch when you go to your local chinese restaurant from 11am -3pm.
My mouth dropped when I saw it, I quickly closed it. NO the hell he didn't just order that. Who is he lying to? My pot of stew came. I opened the lid to the stew. I saw the steam rise from the liquid, the mushrooms rose ontop. It smelled delicious. I stirred it to get a look at what else was in this vegan creation. (yeah it wasn't a vegetarian restaurant, it was vegan). It smelled great. I scooped the rice on my plate, poured some of the brown gravy ontop. I picked out a piece of fake shrimp and fake scallop along with some mushrooms (the only sure thing in there). I looked at him and his pitiful bowl of soup, but knew he wasn't hungry. But courtesy said to offer him a taste. "Did you want a taste?"
"Oh trust me I'm going to get some?" He seemed so eager.
Oookay. I nodded my head "OK"
I did not like the fake shrimp, or the fake scallop. I looked up and saw him take two to three scoops of my rice and heft it onto his plate. Then he took the same amount of scoops of my stew and hefted it onto his plate. At this point sheer and utter shock and stupifidication (yeah I know not a word) took over. I closed my eyes and opened them. No, he really was eating all my food.
"Mmmm, this good." he shoveled another hefty spoonful in his mouth "This is real good."
I don't remember what I said or if my mouth actually moved. It may have been a gentle nod or I may have just stared. At some point it occured to me to eat my food. But I actually didn't like the fake stuff I wanted the gravy and the vegetables. My plan was to pick over it and eat what I liked, of my meal. I snapped out it long enought to eat some more of the food on my plate. Which incidentally had about one third of the amount of food on his plate.
"Man this is good, I'm going to take some of this home to my brother."
What!
He continued to talk. I surfed around the pot and fetched a mushroom of sorts. He got seconds. He contined praising the food and talking about somethign else. I looked around the restaurant for the hidden camera's. Punked wasn't out yet, but Candid Camera sure was.
I guess since I had stopped eating he thought I was finished. Which I was. At that point I realized it was his meal. It had to have been. He asked for a to go plate. He continued to talk and chat and talk. "My brother is going to love this." He took the rest of the race and placed it in the styrofoam container then poured the broth on top. The little crunchy chips the sat on the table, he dumped into the small tray of his to go container. As he was closing the lid, he paused like an after thought and pointed to the food. "Oh did you want some of this."
I kindly shook my head "No."
He continued to talk, I looked at my watch. He paid the bill and we left. THEN he wanted me to listen to one of his groups. Really and truly I wanted to leave. I was HUNGRY!!! After all, I hadn't eaten dinner.
After listening to it I hopped in my car and darted on the expressway. I frantically searched the highway signs for locations of fast food restaurants. Wendys! yay, I exited and followed the signs, and FINALLY had my dinner. That was the BEST freaking burger of my life.
Worst Date - When "Bob" ate my freaking dinner.
Okay you're turn. What is your worst date.
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