"Wow that's weird they have an odd number of seating."
Everyone at the table scoots over. The conversations continue. The room is filled with laughter and deep voices regaling stories of travel and work. A chair is brought over to the table. Now everyone has a place.
But there were six seats. How is that odd? Easy, I sat down.
I attended a holiday dinner for my companies project. Almost all in attendance brought their spouses. Those who didn't, their spouses couldn't make it. Except for me. I had no significant other, boyfriend...nothing, but me.
I was excited to go. Those who know me know that the prospect of free food always gets me excited. Hey what can I say. I'm easy to please.
As the date inched closer I began to feel uneasy. I'm relatively new, dont say more than two words in passing to these people and well it would be all couples.
Don't fret I'm used to being the single woman out. And well, it was free food. I'll look good. I'll go, I'll mingle, I'll have fun and - did I mention free food?
I sat at a table with two other couples and low and behold another walks over. "Thats odd only one chair."
No one even realized that the single girl sat there and threw it off, well until I told them.
Sometimes though I feel this society is so geared towards couples and families, that you are not truly accepted until you "join the club."
It can become hard to enjoy the season you are in when the world tells you "You're in the wrong season!"
The older I have gotten the less things bother me. I walked into that room with myself. And I had a ball, and when their weren't enough chairs because I threw off the count, well someone just pulled up one and everything was okay.
And guess what? Being single is okay.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
My Dating Shero - Have Fun
I have a friend whose date calendar is full. I mean FULL. She is going on dates left and right. Five to Seven a week. So many she sometimes has to cancel. My jaw drops in awe and envy. This woman is on a mission.
Mission: Date by Christmas
If you choose to accept you will have to date like a madwoman. You may meet jerks. You may meet friends. You may meet a man you're interested in. This message will self destruct in three, two, one...
BAM!!!
Okay so I ask my friend, "Damn girl how are you getting all these dates?"
"The internet."
A simple answer. However, that was not good enough for me. Especially since her answer was nothing short of what I was doing. "Well hell I'm on the internet too."
"Well I just decided to have fun."
I paused for a moment to chew that over 'have fun' "Wait, have fun. You mean you've lowered your standards."
"Well,yeah. You can't meet a men, get married, or anything if you don't date."
Roight, Roight. She did have a point there. 'have fun' kept echoing in my mind. What a novel idea. She decides to let go and just have fun and she has dates left and right. Here I am with requirements and nothing to post on my blog.
Have fun
I think I'll try that.
P.S. - She did say she wasn't dropping her height requirement. And by golly neither will I!
Mission: Date by Christmas
If you choose to accept you will have to date like a madwoman. You may meet jerks. You may meet friends. You may meet a man you're interested in. This message will self destruct in three, two, one...
BAM!!!
Okay so I ask my friend, "Damn girl how are you getting all these dates?"
"The internet."
A simple answer. However, that was not good enough for me. Especially since her answer was nothing short of what I was doing. "Well hell I'm on the internet too."
"Well I just decided to have fun."
I paused for a moment to chew that over 'have fun' "Wait, have fun. You mean you've lowered your standards."
"Well,yeah. You can't meet a men, get married, or anything if you don't date."
Roight, Roight. She did have a point there. 'have fun' kept echoing in my mind. What a novel idea. She decides to let go and just have fun and she has dates left and right. Here I am with requirements and nothing to post on my blog.
Have fun
I think I'll try that.
P.S. - She did say she wasn't dropping her height requirement. And by golly neither will I!
Saturday, December 8, 2007
My "type" - Tall and Geeky
I have a "type" just like everyone else. And the "type" I'm talking about is purely physical.
I like a tall man. Not fat (don't want to look like '00' walking down the street) and not skinny (don't want to look like a '10' walking down the street). Let me rephrase I LOVE a tall man. Nothing will make me cross my legs and clench my thighs quicker than seeing a tall man who smells good. Hold on need a moment...
Okay I'm back. What was I saying? Oh yeah my type. I don't particularly like men with hair. I really don't like men with hair longer than mine. I prefer bald, but low cut will do just as nicely. But no locks, no twists, no braids, no cornrows, no ponytail...no length.
Recently added to the list is smooth dark chocolate skin. Oooh wee. *wiping drool*
Facial hair is fine, as long as its neat and trimmed. Actually well groomed facial hair ...sorry needed a moment to myself.
Put it all together, a tall man that smells good with little to no hair and smooth Hershey's skin.
How many men have I dated that fits the profile? NONE *Big Sigh* Apparently I'll only get him in my dreams.
In fact (boy I hate to admit this) 99% of men I have dated have, I was not physically attracted to.
Now here is my rule of physical attraction. As long as your like a 5 or above (on a scale of 1-10), I'll go out with you. A 5 in looks with an 8 in personality will make him EASILY a 7. My exception, a short man. For some reason I cannot find it in me to think of them as more than friends no matter how hard I try. I'm all about giving it that old college try. I mean who really marries an Adonis. But we all have our thing.
Now the other "type" I just recently discovered.
I like a Geek. You know the "computer guy" whose also into video games, comics, or something just as geeky/lame/childish/weird. He tends to watch alot of Sci-Fi and/or Fantasy movies. Can quote movies. Extremely smart, well versed. Full of tidbits of information.
Now how many men have I dated that fits this mold?
99%
Who knew I was into Poindexter.
I like a tall man. Not fat (don't want to look like '00' walking down the street) and not skinny (don't want to look like a '10' walking down the street). Let me rephrase I LOVE a tall man. Nothing will make me cross my legs and clench my thighs quicker than seeing a tall man who smells good. Hold on need a moment...
Okay I'm back. What was I saying? Oh yeah my type. I don't particularly like men with hair. I really don't like men with hair longer than mine. I prefer bald, but low cut will do just as nicely. But no locks, no twists, no braids, no cornrows, no ponytail...no length.
Recently added to the list is smooth dark chocolate skin. Oooh wee. *wiping drool*
Facial hair is fine, as long as its neat and trimmed. Actually well groomed facial hair ...sorry needed a moment to myself.
Put it all together, a tall man that smells good with little to no hair and smooth Hershey's skin.
How many men have I dated that fits the profile? NONE *Big Sigh* Apparently I'll only get him in my dreams.
In fact (boy I hate to admit this) 99% of men I have dated have, I was not physically attracted to.
Now here is my rule of physical attraction. As long as your like a 5 or above (on a scale of 1-10), I'll go out with you. A 5 in looks with an 8 in personality will make him EASILY a 7. My exception, a short man. For some reason I cannot find it in me to think of them as more than friends no matter how hard I try. I'm all about giving it that old college try. I mean who really marries an Adonis. But we all have our thing.
Now the other "type" I just recently discovered.
I like a Geek. You know the "computer guy" whose also into video games, comics, or something just as geeky/lame/childish/weird. He tends to watch alot of Sci-Fi and/or Fantasy movies. Can quote movies. Extremely smart, well versed. Full of tidbits of information.
Now how many men have I dated that fits this mold?
99%
Who knew I was into Poindexter.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Finding and keeping a life partner
So as in the world of email we tend to get forwards a thousand times over. Here is one dealing with relationships that a married co-worker sent to me with her insight on it. I thought it was cool so I am posting it here, as it seems pretty appropriate. (I mean this is a dating/relationship, or lack thereof, blog).
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term marital success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Ms. Right.
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when dating. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound politically incorrect, but there's a profound truth here.
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the othe r ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
* Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: hopefully you are anticipating to be married for 20 or 30+ years, that is a long time to live with someone.
* What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? Well that will get you through the first month. And you will definitely need to share something deeper and more meaningful to get thorough the next 30+ years; you need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life, and to marry someone who wants similar goals.
QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe/free expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. Ask yourself?
* Am I willing to allow my partner to equally express him/herself with the same exceptions you desire; honest, open, without fear of rejection, judgments or retaliation?
* Can I have conversations without belittling their thoughts and expressions, and they yours.
* Do you and your potential partner understand the difference between listening and hearing?
The basics of having good communication is trust -i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. One trait of an abusive person is someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings with. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel and can be emotionally safe with and for the person you plan to marry.
There are two key factors within marriage that you can't live without these are Communication, and trust. I know you though I was going to say Love, but love grows and develops, without communication or trust nothing can grow but resentment and bitterness.
QUESTION 3: Does he/she show self centered or materialistic tendencies?
How can you examine this? Here are some suggestions.
* What do they do with their time?
* Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement they have a preoccupation with or stress upon the material (giving/having real importance to the physical or worldly) rather than intellectual or spiritual things.
In conjunction
* Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
* Are they serious about improving themselves?
* Or how will they advance or have or posses a major obsession
A good person has been defined as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So consider the goals and aspirations of your significant other:
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
One of the most important things that make any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Marriage, like being parents, means self sacrifice. Ask yourself: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they self-absorbed and selfish? To measure this, think about the following:
* How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc.
* How do they treat parents and siblings?
* Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, how do you think they will treat you who have not done nearly as much for them!
* Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
QUESTION 5 : Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. The best probability is that "You can expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" During the courtship period, everyone always puts their best foot forward. You will never go to a potential mate's home and see his underwear lying across the couch, the chair, or even on the floor. But, after you've said "I do", and without proper communication, you may find them anywhere. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
Dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. For example, you should ask yourself if this person never changes can you marry them as they are? Falling in love is a great natural high, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself sleeping with a total stranger because you didn't do your homework.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.
* Which ones lift and which ones lean?
* Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
* Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
* When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
* Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves and differences will become more obvious. And by all means don't say you can l ive with one of those pet peeves just to get to the ring/bed, because once that day is over, that peeve will not only be there but will be magnified.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You have two totally different backgrounds and upbringings. You are merging the instructions and teachings from two separate families. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither one of you is perfect,
o But, hopefully, are you perfect for each other?
o Do you bring out the best in each other?
o Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, manipulate, and try to control one another?
o What do you bring to the relationship? And again, I say
o What do you bring to the relationship?
o Do you bring past relationships, hurt, mistrust, or pain?
o Have you resolved your past issues and are you ready to move forward? If you cannot give a definite yes to this question, stop, drop that ring—you are not ready!
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a prayer life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF& nbsp; COMMITMENT
And again I say
11 TRUST
12. COMMUNICATION , COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION
if any of these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will replace the passion.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term marital success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Ms. Right.
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when dating. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound politically incorrect, but there's a profound truth here.
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the othe r ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
* Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: hopefully you are anticipating to be married for 20 or 30+ years, that is a long time to live with someone.
* What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? Well that will get you through the first month. And you will definitely need to share something deeper and more meaningful to get thorough the next 30+ years; you need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life, and to marry someone who wants similar goals.
QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe/free expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. Ask yourself?
* Am I willing to allow my partner to equally express him/herself with the same exceptions you desire; honest, open, without fear of rejection, judgments or retaliation?
* Can I have conversations without belittling their thoughts and expressions, and they yours.
* Do you and your potential partner understand the difference between listening and hearing?
The basics of having good communication is trust -i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. One trait of an abusive person is someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings with. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel and can be emotionally safe with and for the person you plan to marry.
There are two key factors within marriage that you can't live without these are Communication, and trust. I know you though I was going to say Love, but love grows and develops, without communication or trust nothing can grow but resentment and bitterness.
QUESTION 3: Does he/she show self centered or materialistic tendencies?
How can you examine this? Here are some suggestions.
* What do they do with their time?
* Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement they have a preoccupation with or stress upon the material (giving/having real importance to the physical or worldly) rather than intellectual or spiritual things.
In conjunction
* Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
* Are they serious about improving themselves?
* Or how will they advance or have or posses a major obsession
A good person has been defined as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So consider the goals and aspirations of your significant other:
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
One of the most important things that make any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Marriage, like being parents, means self sacrifice. Ask yourself: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they self-absorbed and selfish? To measure this, think about the following:
* How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc.
* How do they treat parents and siblings?
* Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, how do you think they will treat you who have not done nearly as much for them!
* Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
QUESTION 5 : Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. The best probability is that "You can expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" During the courtship period, everyone always puts their best foot forward. You will never go to a potential mate's home and see his underwear lying across the couch, the chair, or even on the floor. But, after you've said "I do", and without proper communication, you may find them anywhere. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
Dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. For example, you should ask yourself if this person never changes can you marry them as they are? Falling in love is a great natural high, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself sleeping with a total stranger because you didn't do your homework.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.
* Which ones lift and which ones lean?
* Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
* Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
* When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
* Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves and differences will become more obvious. And by all means don't say you can l ive with one of those pet peeves just to get to the ring/bed, because once that day is over, that peeve will not only be there but will be magnified.
If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. You have two totally different backgrounds and upbringings. You are merging the instructions and teachings from two separate families. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither one of you is perfect,
o But, hopefully, are you perfect for each other?
o Do you bring out the best in each other?
o Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, manipulate, and try to control one another?
o What do you bring to the relationship? And again, I say
o What do you bring to the relationship?
o Do you bring past relationships, hurt, mistrust, or pain?
o Have you resolved your past issues and are you ready to move forward? If you cannot give a definite yes to this question, stop, drop that ring—you are not ready!
You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a prayer life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF& nbsp; COMMITMENT
And again I say
11 TRUST
12. COMMUNICATION , COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION
if any of these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain will replace the passion.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I think I used to be Ghetto
Sooo I am going through old pictures of me and I remembered a time when I had red hair.
Actually I have been a honey blond, red head, purple hair, dark brown, blackish, as well as streaks of red, brown, and honey blond all at the same time (dont worry this one only lasted on week). But my red hair stayed the longest. I think i was a red head for about two years. As I was looking at the pictures I thought "Damn I didn't realize it was that pronounced." Was I a ghetto girl? I decided to take you back down memory lane with me.
Here are the pics.
Yup that's red.
Fried dyed, and laid to the side
Yes I know I was sporting a unibrow. I hadn't made it to get them waxed yet.
And for a bonus here are a couple from my weavariffic days.
Actually I have been a honey blond, red head, purple hair, dark brown, blackish, as well as streaks of red, brown, and honey blond all at the same time (dont worry this one only lasted on week). But my red hair stayed the longest. I think i was a red head for about two years. As I was looking at the pictures I thought "Damn I didn't realize it was that pronounced." Was I a ghetto girl? I decided to take you back down memory lane with me.
Here are the pics.
Yup that's red.
Fried dyed, and laid to the side
Yes I know I was sporting a unibrow. I hadn't made it to get them waxed yet.
And for a bonus here are a couple from my weavariffic days.
Batch of Updates and Story Morals
Well guys its been a long time since posting things have been crazy.
* My new job is still whooping my ass
* I'm still single
* Since my last update I turned 30. And I purchased my first house.
* I have been dealing with family medical issues as well as my own.
* Tomorrow starts operation 'Date before Christmas' I will begin my search with a vengeance. I'll let you know how that goes.
* Okay I first let me start out by saying that sometimes I get bored and type in various peoples name in Google just to see what happens. I know I'm not the only one who does it. I will type in names from back in high school, grammar school, old friends, old beaus, old people, just whatever. I am still amazed at the power of Google.
So one name led to another which led to another and I looked up a flame from way back in the day. (I started at high school looking up folks then I got to college. It was a natural progression). I found his name on this cheaters site and thought "I knew he looked familiar."
Now lets back up about a year or so ago. You guys know that alot of my dating comes from online. Seems to be the common thing now. One day this guy sends me an email. We will call him Johnathan Monroe. So I check out Johnathan Monroes picture and go "Damn he looks like Joe Long that I used to date" Joe Long was NOT a good person (normal young stuff - cheating, lost my best friend, yada yada ya). Now Johnathan Monroe was THE type of man, physically, that I like. We dialogged back and forth and I asked/told him that he looked familiar.
We continued with our email exchange. I asked if he knew him (like was that his cousin) Johnathan was like, no. But the guy did look familiar, BUT I also have a "type," so...whatever. Y'all know I am bad at pointing out and describing people (My friends and I often joke that if their life depended on me being able to describe them to a sketch artist, they would be screwed.)
At any rate it was no big deal. The guy did look familiar, but he was from someplace completely different and had a different name. And if in the RARE event it was JL, I would figure it out once we met or we would never meet. Either way no skin off my back. Well we never met.
A year and a half later I am surfing the net and see his name and picture as well as his alias of Johnathan Monroe on a cheaters website. And I thought "I was right, he DID look familiar." As I read his charges the profile fit him to a T, down to even his profession and type of women. Then I felt sad for him. Its a shame he hasn't grown up yet. Same stuff from ten years ago. I guess some people never change.
There are two morals to this story.
1. I need to start taking Ginseng.
2. Life is about change and growth. Learning who you are and trying to be a better person. Love yourself, Love the Lord, and Love and respect others. As we grow older we grow wiser (at least one would hope). What are you doing with that wisdom. Are you growing, are you helping others grow, or are you using it to take advantage of other people.
Think back ten years ago. Take away your job, your financial situation, and everything material. How are you different? Are you different? How do you feel you have grown and matured? What life lessons have you learned?
* My new job is still whooping my ass
* I'm still single
* Since my last update I turned 30. And I purchased my first house.
* I have been dealing with family medical issues as well as my own.
* Tomorrow starts operation 'Date before Christmas' I will begin my search with a vengeance. I'll let you know how that goes.
* Okay I first let me start out by saying that sometimes I get bored and type in various peoples name in Google just to see what happens. I know I'm not the only one who does it. I will type in names from back in high school, grammar school, old friends, old beaus, old people, just whatever. I am still amazed at the power of Google.
So one name led to another which led to another and I looked up a flame from way back in the day. (I started at high school looking up folks then I got to college. It was a natural progression). I found his name on this cheaters site and thought "I knew he looked familiar."
Now lets back up about a year or so ago. You guys know that alot of my dating comes from online. Seems to be the common thing now. One day this guy sends me an email. We will call him Johnathan Monroe. So I check out Johnathan Monroes picture and go "Damn he looks like Joe Long that I used to date" Joe Long was NOT a good person (normal young stuff - cheating, lost my best friend, yada yada ya). Now Johnathan Monroe was THE type of man, physically, that I like. We dialogged back and forth and I asked/told him that he looked familiar.
We continued with our email exchange. I asked if he knew him (like was that his cousin) Johnathan was like, no. But the guy did look familiar, BUT I also have a "type," so...whatever. Y'all know I am bad at pointing out and describing people (My friends and I often joke that if their life depended on me being able to describe them to a sketch artist, they would be screwed.)
At any rate it was no big deal. The guy did look familiar, but he was from someplace completely different and had a different name. And if in the RARE event it was JL, I would figure it out once we met or we would never meet. Either way no skin off my back. Well we never met.
A year and a half later I am surfing the net and see his name and picture as well as his alias of Johnathan Monroe on a cheaters website. And I thought "I was right, he DID look familiar." As I read his charges the profile fit him to a T, down to even his profession and type of women. Then I felt sad for him. Its a shame he hasn't grown up yet. Same stuff from ten years ago. I guess some people never change.
There are two morals to this story.
1. I need to start taking Ginseng.
2. Life is about change and growth. Learning who you are and trying to be a better person. Love yourself, Love the Lord, and Love and respect others. As we grow older we grow wiser (at least one would hope). What are you doing with that wisdom. Are you growing, are you helping others grow, or are you using it to take advantage of other people.
Think back ten years ago. Take away your job, your financial situation, and everything material. How are you different? Are you different? How do you feel you have grown and matured? What life lessons have you learned?
Friday, September 7, 2007
A Change of Heart...Well Mind
As you all know I don't date men with kids. Well...I've had a change of mind. At some point I hope my heart catches up with it. It will be new for me. Well not new new. I have dated a man with kids before. I just didn't plan on doing it again. And before you begin to draw conclusions - My decision had nothing to do with "baby mama drama." In fact, there was none. I just came to some realizations about myself and what I wanted for my future and in my mate. Well as you can see, deciding to date a man without kids doesn't garner one many dates. But that is not the reason for my change of mind. Yes, I'm willing to do ALMOST anything for my adoring fans. Yup both of you. However, my motives are personal (translation - I'll tell you in a much later blog).
The good news - I should be posting alot now. Deciding to lift that restrictions almost opens the world to me.
The bad news - well it will take some getting used to. Cause I still really don't want to do it. But, I will. Hopefully I will grow as a person with the experience. And if not, at least my readers will get some funny tales as a result of it.
Look for more postings.
On a side note - my new job is kicking my ass, so I find myself tired when I get home (you know mental exhaustion). I'm trying to get better with the posting. Hopefully the new dating life will help with the motivation.
The good news - I should be posting alot now. Deciding to lift that restrictions almost opens the world to me.
The bad news - well it will take some getting used to. Cause I still really don't want to do it. But, I will. Hopefully I will grow as a person with the experience. And if not, at least my readers will get some funny tales as a result of it.
Look for more postings.
On a side note - my new job is kicking my ass, so I find myself tired when I get home (you know mental exhaustion). I'm trying to get better with the posting. Hopefully the new dating life will help with the motivation.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
MARS VS VENUS - Can A Friendship Truly Exist?
The older I get, I am left to ponder the age old question - Can men and women be friends?
As some of you are aware, in addition to my quest for "Mr. Right" (whatever the hell that means) I am also looking for male friends. My life is pretty damn estrogen filled. Now we all know "friends" has many definitions, however I really do mean the base of the word friend. Not friends with benefits, a friend I kiss sometimes, a friend I sleep with, a friend that I would do anything differently than my female friends...FRIEND.
Chris Rock once defined male friends to females as "break in case of emergency." Well that is not what I am looking for (though I understand sometimes times get hard. Too much wine and everything seems like a good idea). But really can there be a true friendship between a man a woman? Let me rephrase the question
Can a true friendship between an adult male and adult female really exist.
Answer: Depends
Most of our male friends are carry overs. We met them in high school and/or college and they have carried over into our adult lives. These are the strong male bonds we have made. We love them (as friends of course), we depend on them and they us (sometimes) as with all friends. When asked to image a night of hot sweaty sex with them, we cringe. (Though they maybe FOINE). That is how ingrained in FRIENDSHIP we have become.
What about making friends as adults. Can that happen?
Answer - Rarely
This is what experience has taught me (personal and speaking to others on the subject). The rules change when you become an adult. People seek relationships more than friendships. Time is more valuable because you realized you spent your teens and early twenties enjoying that you had all the time in the world. You have cemented your friendships. And though you can always use more the ones that have been with you through it remain your closest. Its harder to meet friends. We're guarded at work, bars and parties don't lend themselves to making friends (unless you're talking about with benefits). Venues that seem to be more conducive to friends are groups, networking events, seminars, and conferences. This is because part of the weed out has been done. You already know you have something in common. (For instance my closest friends I met from a group).
Now lets dissect why friendship, as an adult, to a man is hard.
Married Men
As a single woman you have no business befriending a married male (just my opinion, call me old fashioned) unless you're befriending the couple (can you say third wheel). So then married men are out.
Next - Single Men
As a single woman befriending a single man can be quite difficult. But here are the circumstances to which it can happen.
Meet at work, get along well you have 100000% no desire to sleep with him or get to know him in any way but a buddy. There is ABSOLUTELY no attraction nor the inclination to determine if there could be. AND The SAME GOES FOR THE MAN. Here is a friendship that just may last and grow.
OR
Go out on a date and realize oy vey what have I done. I am SOOOOOO not interested in him, even though he is cool. There is not spark, no sizzle, and I am not attracted to him in anyway. Meanwhile, he feels the exact same way. However, the hanging out is not so bad and everything is Platonic.
THE OTHER SCENARIO
One is interested the other isn't. DO NOT TALK. Let time go by, meet up again years later and IF all parties are completely disinterested THEN AND ONLY THEN can a friendship be built.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Don't try and make friends. Friendship happens naturally. But if are trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex. BE FOR DAMN SURE THEY DON'T WANT YOU!!!!
Otherwise, its more stress than its worth and in the end you never had a friend.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Upcoming Posts
As I have been gone for a while and meaning to post here are the upcoming posts which I will be discussing at a later date.
Mars and Venus - Can a friendship truly exit?
Fat = Ugly - why the hateration?
Big girl with cute guy - A reported sighting.
Sasquatch...mmm me so horny
The socio-economics of attraction
Mars and Venus - Can a friendship truly exit?
Fat = Ugly - why the hateration?
Big girl with cute guy - A reported sighting.
Sasquatch...mmm me so horny
The socio-economics of attraction
Three Headed Unicorn - Young Asian Couples
The other day I saw a young Asian couple at the movies. I stared at them like I was looking at the three headed unicorn. I almost whipped out my cell phone and took a picture. It was like seeing the Loch Ness monster. No one would believe me if I told them I saw it.
As a black woman, I am sensitive to my own plight. Yes there are brothers out there who still date black women, that I know and that I'm sure of. However, we've all seen that statistic that Black Women are some 40 odd percent likely to not be married. And how black men date black women - yada yada yada. No need to rehash the same old discussion.
However, at least I see and know of black couples - young and old. I really feel sorry for Asian Men, because good Lord how often do you see a young Asian woman with an Asian man. I'll wait while you ponder on that............... still waiting.
Yes I've seen them. I even have a friend who is Asian and so is her boyfriend *gasp* but in general that is not a common every day occurrence. So this is a shout out to my Asian brotheren. Keep your head up. You too will find your match someday.
As a black woman, I am sensitive to my own plight. Yes there are brothers out there who still date black women, that I know and that I'm sure of. However, we've all seen that statistic that Black Women are some 40 odd percent likely to not be married. And how black men date black women - yada yada yada. No need to rehash the same old discussion.
However, at least I see and know of black couples - young and old. I really feel sorry for Asian Men, because good Lord how often do you see a young Asian woman with an Asian man. I'll wait while you ponder on that............... still waiting.
Yes I've seen them. I even have a friend who is Asian and so is her boyfriend *gasp* but in general that is not a common every day occurrence. So this is a shout out to my Asian brotheren. Keep your head up. You too will find your match someday.
Too funny to be pissed
I ALMOST had a date this Friday. Then I would have something to type, However as always things just go down hill after "Hello."
I'll fast forward to the good parts because the rest is boring. Finalizing some plans. I told him to make the decision (Nothing like an aggressive man. BTW - Aggressive and disrespectful are not synonyms. Just in case someone wanted to say something). We tossed around shooting pool, which to me is fun as long as there is no smoke (I have asthma). I was at work so we got off the phone, and he was going to call later while he thought of something comfortable and fun - similar to pool but with no smoke.
He emails me with his final plans.
'Let your hair down with Scorpio passion, dinner and drinks with a night cap for the grown and sexy.'
Good Lord are you kidding me? So at this point we all know I am beyond disinterested. My fingers couldn't help it though, I had to ask.
"What's a night cap for the grown and sexy?"
"...a night cap is forgetting the rules 4 one night and let me take u to extacy baby."
I doubled over laughing. Couldn't help it that was one of the funny things I have ever read/heard. ESPECIALLY since he couldn't spell ecstasy. Needless to say I didn't answer when he called, but I slow chuckled on that for the rest of the day. Wonder If I would have gotten a different response if I would have told him I was ANYTHING but a Scorpio.
That comment comes in close call to
White truck slowly rolls up and and pulls beside me. I am standing in the parking lot. "MMMmm girl look at them thick ass legs, I throw some bar-que-sauce on them bitches and lick em dry."
It was Memorial Day weekend guess he was in the holiday spirit. Now I was partying in the Dec (Decatur, GA) so can't say I was all that shocked.
I'll fast forward to the good parts because the rest is boring. Finalizing some plans. I told him to make the decision (Nothing like an aggressive man. BTW - Aggressive and disrespectful are not synonyms. Just in case someone wanted to say something). We tossed around shooting pool, which to me is fun as long as there is no smoke (I have asthma). I was at work so we got off the phone, and he was going to call later while he thought of something comfortable and fun - similar to pool but with no smoke.
He emails me with his final plans.
'Let your hair down with Scorpio passion, dinner and drinks with a night cap for the grown and sexy.'
Good Lord are you kidding me? So at this point we all know I am beyond disinterested. My fingers couldn't help it though, I had to ask.
"What's a night cap for the grown and sexy?"
"...a night cap is forgetting the rules 4 one night and let me take u to extacy baby."
I doubled over laughing. Couldn't help it that was one of the funny things I have ever read/heard. ESPECIALLY since he couldn't spell ecstasy. Needless to say I didn't answer when he called, but I slow chuckled on that for the rest of the day. Wonder If I would have gotten a different response if I would have told him I was ANYTHING but a Scorpio.
That comment comes in close call to
White truck slowly rolls up and and pulls beside me. I am standing in the parking lot. "MMMmm girl look at them thick ass legs, I throw some bar-que-sauce on them bitches and lick em dry."
It was Memorial Day weekend guess he was in the holiday spirit. Now I was partying in the Dec (Decatur, GA) so can't say I was all that shocked.
I'm a Scorpio...So what!!
Another fascinating thing I have discovered - I CANNOT tell men my sign. For those of you who have already read my previous threads, you know I also cannot tell them what I write. My answer is now "I write fiction."
"What type?"
"General fiction."
Because anything else and it's all down hill. Nope I can't even say I write paranormal romance. So that's fine. NOW to add to the list, I cannot give my sign. I have no intention of lying about it. (Pretty hard to with a big ass scorpion tattooed on my body). And it is one of those questions that EVERYBODY asks. Well except me, because I could care less. The only reason my tattoo is a Scorpion is the tattoo artist was tired of doing hearts and butterflies so I opted for something different (after hearing his 15 minute tirade). The picture jumped out at me, so I got it permanently embedded in my skin, and I like it. But I digress, this post isn't about my tattoo.
Let me backtrack and take you into my life and the mind a man - a simple man. We all know that whenever anyone thinks Scorpio they assume they are a freak (I will neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement.)
As SOON as my sign is mentioned I get something to the effect of
"Oh" a stare, his eyes perusing my body from head to toe. A stark hunger there like he was famished and I'm a big ass steak.
"Hmm" wicked grin "so you're a freak hunh."
Licks the lips, grabs his bottom lip in between his teeth slowly releasing it "Really?"
OR
if its an online chat situation the topic IMMEDIATELY turns to sex at which point I leave.
Men, if you're reading let me enlighten you.
Freak DOES NOT equal promiscuous. (I will elaborate on this later.)
Just because I am a Scorpio, I will not drop to my knees and suck you dick right there. I will not hop into bed with you that night or any other night. Nor do I want to talk about sex with a complete fucking stranger. Geesh!
Now back to my other point FREAK and HO are not interchangeable words. (Disclaimer - the word HO is a unisex word.)
Let me break it down for you.
FREAK - a person who is sexually adventurous. Wiling to try various sexual positions and arenas.
HO - a person who has little to no standards about their sexual partners. A person who sleeps with many people at once and/or separately. A person who bed hops from one night stand to another.
Example #1 - A person is in a committed relationship (lets say marriage). In that committed relationship they have sex, with each other. They have missionary, doggy style, oral sex, anal sex, bent forwards, bent backwards, legs up, legs down, legs twisted, whips, chains, leather, feathers, cotton, naked, fingers, toys, food, rubber, etc. They do it in the bed, on the window, in the car, on the steps, on the table, in the club, on the roof, on the chandelier while it swings, the park, the ocean, the rocks, the street, etc.
That person is a freak! (well to some, to others its just normal sex, but I digress)
Example #2 - A person meets someone, shortly after they have sex. This is not uncommon for that person. The person pretty much only likes missionary and MAYBE doggy style.
That person is a ho! (and a lazy lay, but I digress)
YES, I'm a Scorpio and NO you're not getting any.
Stay tuned for more in the life of being disrespected all the freaking time!!! (Clearly I'm in vent mode.)
"What type?"
"General fiction."
Because anything else and it's all down hill. Nope I can't even say I write paranormal romance. So that's fine. NOW to add to the list, I cannot give my sign. I have no intention of lying about it. (Pretty hard to with a big ass scorpion tattooed on my body). And it is one of those questions that EVERYBODY asks. Well except me, because I could care less. The only reason my tattoo is a Scorpion is the tattoo artist was tired of doing hearts and butterflies so I opted for something different (after hearing his 15 minute tirade). The picture jumped out at me, so I got it permanently embedded in my skin, and I like it. But I digress, this post isn't about my tattoo.
Let me backtrack and take you into my life and the mind a man - a simple man. We all know that whenever anyone thinks Scorpio they assume they are a freak (I will neither confirm nor deny the truth of that statement.)
As SOON as my sign is mentioned I get something to the effect of
"Oh" a stare, his eyes perusing my body from head to toe. A stark hunger there like he was famished and I'm a big ass steak.
"Hmm" wicked grin "so you're a freak hunh."
Licks the lips, grabs his bottom lip in between his teeth slowly releasing it "Really?"
OR
if its an online chat situation the topic IMMEDIATELY turns to sex at which point I leave.
Men, if you're reading let me enlighten you.
Freak DOES NOT equal promiscuous. (I will elaborate on this later.)
Just because I am a Scorpio, I will not drop to my knees and suck you dick right there. I will not hop into bed with you that night or any other night. Nor do I want to talk about sex with a complete fucking stranger. Geesh!
Now back to my other point FREAK and HO are not interchangeable words. (Disclaimer - the word HO is a unisex word.)
Let me break it down for you.
FREAK - a person who is sexually adventurous. Wiling to try various sexual positions and arenas.
HO - a person who has little to no standards about their sexual partners. A person who sleeps with many people at once and/or separately. A person who bed hops from one night stand to another.
Example #1 - A person is in a committed relationship (lets say marriage). In that committed relationship they have sex, with each other. They have missionary, doggy style, oral sex, anal sex, bent forwards, bent backwards, legs up, legs down, legs twisted, whips, chains, leather, feathers, cotton, naked, fingers, toys, food, rubber, etc. They do it in the bed, on the window, in the car, on the steps, on the table, in the club, on the roof, on the chandelier while it swings, the park, the ocean, the rocks, the street, etc.
That person is a freak! (well to some, to others its just normal sex, but I digress)
Example #2 - A person meets someone, shortly after they have sex. This is not uncommon for that person. The person pretty much only likes missionary and MAYBE doggy style.
That person is a ho! (and a lazy lay, but I digress)
YES, I'm a Scorpio and NO you're not getting any.
Stay tuned for more in the life of being disrespected all the freaking time!!! (Clearly I'm in vent mode.)
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
So a while ago I went out on a date with this guy who was 6'7" I mention his height because it was his best attribute. Anywho, we had a date and made plans for another to which I was stood up. Now I knew he was going to stand me up. How did I know?
He calls me, lets me know he had a good time and would like to see me again. We decide to see a movie that Saturday. However, both of us had things to do that Saturday. I had a meeting (ie meeting and catching up with friends for late lunch) that I knew what time started but had no idea what time it would end. He also had a expo that he didn't know what time he would be out.
I informed him that I was pretty sure I would be out by 4ish. He said he would call me that morning to give me a time.
He called that morning, I was in the shower. I called back (I can't remember if he answered or we played phone tag for five minutes). Anywho, he was
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Fine and you?"
Silence
Then some other non-descript chit chat. HIs only purpose in calling was to give me the time. We already had the location and movie. So I'm on the phone like this is some bullshit. I'm not going to ask/beg for a date. So I got off the phone. It was pointless chatter, not going anywhere and I could tell he was wanting something from me. Which I wasn't giving.
"Well I'm here at the place."
I can't remember if he said "Oh well call me back" or "I'll call you back."
Needless to say I didn't hear from him and I didn't go to the movie that night.
Sooo, he called like a week later. Can't remember the details of that conversation, but hey not important. I deleted his number shortly after.
He catches me online a month later and im's me. Then calls (hell his number is deleted so I don't recognize it).
We chit chat, and the moral is he asks for a second chance to make it up to me. Well I had several thoughts to go through my head
1. I really want to go to a blues club and maybe this is my ticket there
2. I have nothing to put on my blog
3. Free food
4. Damn, none of it seems worth it.
Number 1 and 2 won out (yeah I sacrifice for my adoring fans...all two of them:)
We spoke the next day and I realized/remember thinking he is a man who wants to be pursued by a woman. He wants the woman to show their interest and pursue. In fact he said somethign like he doesn't want to put in effort for it not to work out. Oh my God, Talk about a lazy ass man (see post on The Laziness of Men and If I Were A Man, My Scholong would fall off).
To make a long story short (yeah I know too late). The second chance date...I was stood up again. No call, no follow-up, nothing. Of course, I knew there wouldn't be.
(And before people, or rather the both of you, jump down my throat that I could call I did. Now granted it was in extreme boredom and I actually rolled my eyes before calling, but I did call. Of course, no answer)
Now that was ALL my fault. I am only posting this because Gwyneth needed an update.
Now here is the sad, sad statistic. I have been stood up ALOT. If I were a lesser woman I would be a bit depressed about that.
I am a firm believer in find the common denominator in situations, and the common denominator is me, but for the life of me I still can't figure it out. Cause if there is something that was a turn off, why make the plans.
And yes I DO NOT believe in persuing men. I am aggressive in all areas of life, but I don't wan tthe man I had to work hard for, and take all the initiative, just to get a date or attention. It just sets the precdence anyway.
Okay this has officially turned into a ramble. So I will end it now.
But I will say all the red flags went up from date one (just wasn't my type and he spent too much time talking about relationships. I'm like dude I just met you), but this damn blog has me seeking dates anywhere (don't you love how I blame you for it:)
He calls me, lets me know he had a good time and would like to see me again. We decide to see a movie that Saturday. However, both of us had things to do that Saturday. I had a meeting (ie meeting and catching up with friends for late lunch) that I knew what time started but had no idea what time it would end. He also had a expo that he didn't know what time he would be out.
I informed him that I was pretty sure I would be out by 4ish. He said he would call me that morning to give me a time.
He called that morning, I was in the shower. I called back (I can't remember if he answered or we played phone tag for five minutes). Anywho, he was
"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Fine and you?"
Silence
Then some other non-descript chit chat. HIs only purpose in calling was to give me the time. We already had the location and movie. So I'm on the phone like this is some bullshit. I'm not going to ask/beg for a date. So I got off the phone. It was pointless chatter, not going anywhere and I could tell he was wanting something from me. Which I wasn't giving.
"Well I'm here at the place."
I can't remember if he said "Oh well call me back" or "I'll call you back."
Needless to say I didn't hear from him and I didn't go to the movie that night.
Sooo, he called like a week later. Can't remember the details of that conversation, but hey not important. I deleted his number shortly after.
He catches me online a month later and im's me. Then calls (hell his number is deleted so I don't recognize it).
We chit chat, and the moral is he asks for a second chance to make it up to me. Well I had several thoughts to go through my head
1. I really want to go to a blues club and maybe this is my ticket there
2. I have nothing to put on my blog
3. Free food
4. Damn, none of it seems worth it.
Number 1 and 2 won out (yeah I sacrifice for my adoring fans...all two of them:)
We spoke the next day and I realized/remember thinking he is a man who wants to be pursued by a woman. He wants the woman to show their interest and pursue. In fact he said somethign like he doesn't want to put in effort for it not to work out. Oh my God, Talk about a lazy ass man (see post on The Laziness of Men and If I Were A Man, My Scholong would fall off).
To make a long story short (yeah I know too late). The second chance date...I was stood up again. No call, no follow-up, nothing. Of course, I knew there wouldn't be.
(And before people, or rather the both of you, jump down my throat that I could call I did. Now granted it was in extreme boredom and I actually rolled my eyes before calling, but I did call. Of course, no answer)
Now that was ALL my fault. I am only posting this because Gwyneth needed an update.
Now here is the sad, sad statistic. I have been stood up ALOT. If I were a lesser woman I would be a bit depressed about that.
I am a firm believer in find the common denominator in situations, and the common denominator is me, but for the life of me I still can't figure it out. Cause if there is something that was a turn off, why make the plans.
And yes I DO NOT believe in persuing men. I am aggressive in all areas of life, but I don't wan tthe man I had to work hard for, and take all the initiative, just to get a date or attention. It just sets the precdence anyway.
Okay this has officially turned into a ramble. So I will end it now.
But I will say all the red flags went up from date one (just wasn't my type and he spent too much time talking about relationships. I'm like dude I just met you), but this damn blog has me seeking dates anywhere (don't you love how I blame you for it:)
Monday, March 5, 2007
Big Gals and Big Dudes - slight change of mind
So I never mentioned that The White Guy (here on after referred to as TWG) was a big dude. Incidentally he also the same one that is "Determined Much??"
It didn't really bother me. Having spouted all that about big dudes and big girls not belonging together. I tell you hugging him was the best hug ever. All cuddly and soft.
I remember thinking, damn is this what it's like to hug me. I mean I'm full of squishy softness. Damn dudes are lucky as hell to get a hug from me, I didn't realize it felt that damn good (AND I got big boobs to boot).
Yeah I'm vain I know.
It didn't really bother me. Having spouted all that about big dudes and big girls not belonging together. I tell you hugging him was the best hug ever. All cuddly and soft.
I remember thinking, damn is this what it's like to hug me. I mean I'm full of squishy softness. Damn dudes are lucky as hell to get a hug from me, I didn't realize it felt that damn good (AND I got big boobs to boot).
Yeah I'm vain I know.
Discussion: Worst date ever
Well its a tie between the guy who insulted me and called me talentless throughout coffee and my date with "Bob". Since I mentioned the insulting guy I'll tell you about "Bob".
In an age where life is work and work is life, sometimes its hard to find people to date. The onset of internet dating sites has helped move that path along. I was on several dating sites (and really I still am, hell I need something to type in this blog). One of which was a site called blackvoices. It garnered me a few dates. Not bad, not great, but hey it was free.
I received a witty email from a guy named "Bob", so I responded. Witty emails always get me. I hate those one liners "Tell me about you." or "Hello" and all other things unimaginitive. I prefer not to do all the damn work to get to know someone...but I digress. We exchanged emails for a bit. And of course we exchanged pictures. Let me tell you something "Bob" was not my type. He was cute, but he was a big dude. Now I couldn't tell how big because I only had a head shot, but I could tell he was not my normal average build I like. I'm all about giving everyone a shot, and he did have a cute face *cringing* (I can't believe I just said that. Cause if someone said that to me, there would be a bitch slapping coming two seconds later. Hell my gut, which is strictly for decoration, is sexy.) I say that because all I saw was his face. I shrugged it off. We continuted to exchange emails. We exchanged phone numbers and chatted it up abit.
My God that man talked more than I did, which was some feat. But other than that it was cool, cause he did listen. Oh you guys will love this he as a music producer. Roight! Well for those of you unfamiliar with Atlanta culture damn near EVERYONE here is in the music business or trying to get into it. So that was no big surprise, cause he had a regular job to pay his bills until the production thing got off. So a brother with a plan and sensible. Hell I'm a writer, but my "pay the bills" job isn't. He was in QA (aka "a computer dude").
Now the first mistake was him suggesting a vegetarian chinese place. Now you know you need to quit fronting. I'm big you big, why the hell are we going to a vegetarian place. But whatever I'm into new things. So I agreed.
I arrived first (I sooo didn't intend to do that). He got off work late. (Damn him for ruining my plan of getting there after him). I sat in my car and waited (why cause I didn't want to wait in the restaurant. Besides he didn't know what time I got there, so I was able to say "oh I just pulled up")
I saw him in his car and thought "Wow, he's bigger than I thought." (Nothing against big dudes. Hell I'm a big girl. But its all about preference. Two big ass guts rubbing against each other, with no penetration. that's just not my thing. More power to those who work it out, it's just not me.)
Then he got out of the car and my mouth fell. Oh my goodness, he is waaaaaaaaay bigger than I thought. He bent over to get something out of the car and I thought it was going to be a cane to help him walk. It wasn't. It was a bag or briefcase.
We greeted and went into the restaurant. The interior was decorated with red and gold. The restaurant only had a couple of other patrons. The lighting was dim, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. We were seated immediately.
Now if you remember I said he was a talker, so really there was nothing for me to say after "Hello" he took it from there. He raved about the restaurant. "Oh try their soup."
Now for those of you who may have struggled with your weight like I have, you may remember that "cabbage soup diet." Well THATS what their soup was. I ate damn cabbage soup enough to recognize it.
"Man my boys took me out to eat I am stuffed." He rubbed his belly for effect.
Now I also knew he had gotten paid that day so he couldn't be too broke to pay so that wasn't a worry, but what the hell. I shrugged it off and studied the menu. Wondering what the hell I would eat from a freaking vegan restaurant. Oh yes I discovered when I got there it was vegan.
People I'm from the midwest. We eat three things there. Meat, meat, and meat. Yes we love our potatoes and corn but only as side dish to our meat.
"Oh I know what you want."
I was busy studying the menu, I looked up at him silently asking him to answer the question that I did not ask - What do I want to eat?
"You're looking at that General Tso's chicken aren't you?"
Now keep in mind the chicken is fake. Of course I didn't want that. Nor did I ever mention anythign about being a huge fan of chicken to make him think that. I didn't know if he was throwing a hint, so I looked at the price of the general tso and looked at the price of what I wanted and realized there was only a $2 difference in price. I looked at him like he was stupid. "No, i was actually looking at the five pot stew."
"Oh okay that looks cool, too." He commented again on how full he was cause he ate a big lunch.
Now NORMALLY I'm not one to talk about people, but come on. The both of us had probably never skipped a meal in our life no matter what the previous meal consisted of. Now all of a sudden you are stuffed beyond belief. Roight.
"Well I'm not hungry, but get whatever you want. I had a big lunch."
WTF? "Okay"
We continued to talk aka he continued to talk. The waitress brought out a big pot of rice, as normal with a asian restaurant and two plates. Why did she bring out two plates? I watched her place them on the table and walk away, but I said nothing. My face took on a slight frown, but I quickly shook it off and continued to listen, partially, to "Bob".
I feel the need to defend a bit. I was able to talk during the dinner. But yes at several points I just heard echoes of noise and didn't really pay attention.
The waitress brought his soup out.
People I'm sure we've all been to restaurants andordered soup as a meal and you get a nice big bowl of soup. This wasn't it. This was the small appetizer bowl of soup you get that comes with your lunch when you go to your local chinese restaurant from 11am -3pm.
My mouth dropped when I saw it, I quickly closed it. NO the hell he didn't just order that. Who is he lying to? My pot of stew came. I opened the lid to the stew. I saw the steam rise from the liquid, the mushrooms rose ontop. It smelled delicious. I stirred it to get a look at what else was in this vegan creation. (yeah it wasn't a vegetarian restaurant, it was vegan). It smelled great. I scooped the rice on my plate, poured some of the brown gravy ontop. I picked out a piece of fake shrimp and fake scallop along with some mushrooms (the only sure thing in there). I looked at him and his pitiful bowl of soup, but knew he wasn't hungry. But courtesy said to offer him a taste. "Did you want a taste?"
"Oh trust me I'm going to get some?" He seemed so eager.
Oookay. I nodded my head "OK"
I did not like the fake shrimp, or the fake scallop. I looked up and saw him take two to three scoops of my rice and heft it onto his plate. Then he took the same amount of scoops of my stew and hefted it onto his plate. At this point sheer and utter shock and stupifidication (yeah I know not a word) took over. I closed my eyes and opened them. No, he really was eating all my food.
"Mmmm, this good." he shoveled another hefty spoonful in his mouth "This is real good."
I don't remember what I said or if my mouth actually moved. It may have been a gentle nod or I may have just stared. At some point it occured to me to eat my food. But I actually didn't like the fake stuff I wanted the gravy and the vegetables. My plan was to pick over it and eat what I liked, of my meal. I snapped out it long enought to eat some more of the food on my plate. Which incidentally had about one third of the amount of food on his plate.
"Man this is good, I'm going to take some of this home to my brother."
What!
He continued to talk. I surfed around the pot and fetched a mushroom of sorts. He got seconds. He contined praising the food and talking about somethign else. I looked around the restaurant for the hidden camera's. Punked wasn't out yet, but Candid Camera sure was.
I guess since I had stopped eating he thought I was finished. Which I was. At that point I realized it was his meal. It had to have been. He asked for a to go plate. He continued to talk and chat and talk. "My brother is going to love this." He took the rest of the race and placed it in the styrofoam container then poured the broth on top. The little crunchy chips the sat on the table, he dumped into the small tray of his to go container. As he was closing the lid, he paused like an after thought and pointed to the food. "Oh did you want some of this."
I kindly shook my head "No."
He continued to talk, I looked at my watch. He paid the bill and we left. THEN he wanted me to listen to one of his groups. Really and truly I wanted to leave. I was HUNGRY!!! After all, I hadn't eaten dinner.
After listening to it I hopped in my car and darted on the expressway. I frantically searched the highway signs for locations of fast food restaurants. Wendys! yay, I exited and followed the signs, and FINALLY had my dinner. That was the BEST freaking burger of my life.
Worst Date - When "Bob" ate my freaking dinner.
Okay you're turn. What is your worst date.
In an age where life is work and work is life, sometimes its hard to find people to date. The onset of internet dating sites has helped move that path along. I was on several dating sites (and really I still am, hell I need something to type in this blog). One of which was a site called blackvoices. It garnered me a few dates. Not bad, not great, but hey it was free.
I received a witty email from a guy named "Bob", so I responded. Witty emails always get me. I hate those one liners "Tell me about you." or "Hello" and all other things unimaginitive. I prefer not to do all the damn work to get to know someone...but I digress. We exchanged emails for a bit. And of course we exchanged pictures. Let me tell you something "Bob" was not my type. He was cute, but he was a big dude. Now I couldn't tell how big because I only had a head shot, but I could tell he was not my normal average build I like. I'm all about giving everyone a shot, and he did have a cute face *cringing* (I can't believe I just said that. Cause if someone said that to me, there would be a bitch slapping coming two seconds later. Hell my gut, which is strictly for decoration, is sexy.) I say that because all I saw was his face. I shrugged it off. We continuted to exchange emails. We exchanged phone numbers and chatted it up abit.
My God that man talked more than I did, which was some feat. But other than that it was cool, cause he did listen. Oh you guys will love this he as a music producer. Roight! Well for those of you unfamiliar with Atlanta culture damn near EVERYONE here is in the music business or trying to get into it. So that was no big surprise, cause he had a regular job to pay his bills until the production thing got off. So a brother with a plan and sensible. Hell I'm a writer, but my "pay the bills" job isn't. He was in QA (aka "a computer dude").
Now the first mistake was him suggesting a vegetarian chinese place. Now you know you need to quit fronting. I'm big you big, why the hell are we going to a vegetarian place. But whatever I'm into new things. So I agreed.
I arrived first (I sooo didn't intend to do that). He got off work late. (Damn him for ruining my plan of getting there after him). I sat in my car and waited (why cause I didn't want to wait in the restaurant. Besides he didn't know what time I got there, so I was able to say "oh I just pulled up")
I saw him in his car and thought "Wow, he's bigger than I thought." (Nothing against big dudes. Hell I'm a big girl. But its all about preference. Two big ass guts rubbing against each other, with no penetration. that's just not my thing. More power to those who work it out, it's just not me.)
Then he got out of the car and my mouth fell. Oh my goodness, he is waaaaaaaaay bigger than I thought. He bent over to get something out of the car and I thought it was going to be a cane to help him walk. It wasn't. It was a bag or briefcase.
We greeted and went into the restaurant. The interior was decorated with red and gold. The restaurant only had a couple of other patrons. The lighting was dim, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. We were seated immediately.
Now if you remember I said he was a talker, so really there was nothing for me to say after "Hello" he took it from there. He raved about the restaurant. "Oh try their soup."
Now for those of you who may have struggled with your weight like I have, you may remember that "cabbage soup diet." Well THATS what their soup was. I ate damn cabbage soup enough to recognize it.
"Man my boys took me out to eat I am stuffed." He rubbed his belly for effect.
Now I also knew he had gotten paid that day so he couldn't be too broke to pay so that wasn't a worry, but what the hell. I shrugged it off and studied the menu. Wondering what the hell I would eat from a freaking vegan restaurant. Oh yes I discovered when I got there it was vegan.
People I'm from the midwest. We eat three things there. Meat, meat, and meat. Yes we love our potatoes and corn but only as side dish to our meat.
"Oh I know what you want."
I was busy studying the menu, I looked up at him silently asking him to answer the question that I did not ask - What do I want to eat?
"You're looking at that General Tso's chicken aren't you?"
Now keep in mind the chicken is fake. Of course I didn't want that. Nor did I ever mention anythign about being a huge fan of chicken to make him think that. I didn't know if he was throwing a hint, so I looked at the price of the general tso and looked at the price of what I wanted and realized there was only a $2 difference in price. I looked at him like he was stupid. "No, i was actually looking at the five pot stew."
"Oh okay that looks cool, too." He commented again on how full he was cause he ate a big lunch.
Now NORMALLY I'm not one to talk about people, but come on. The both of us had probably never skipped a meal in our life no matter what the previous meal consisted of. Now all of a sudden you are stuffed beyond belief. Roight.
"Well I'm not hungry, but get whatever you want. I had a big lunch."
WTF? "Okay"
We continued to talk aka he continued to talk. The waitress brought out a big pot of rice, as normal with a asian restaurant and two plates. Why did she bring out two plates? I watched her place them on the table and walk away, but I said nothing. My face took on a slight frown, but I quickly shook it off and continued to listen, partially, to "Bob".
I feel the need to defend a bit. I was able to talk during the dinner. But yes at several points I just heard echoes of noise and didn't really pay attention.
The waitress brought his soup out.
People I'm sure we've all been to restaurants andordered soup as a meal and you get a nice big bowl of soup. This wasn't it. This was the small appetizer bowl of soup you get that comes with your lunch when you go to your local chinese restaurant from 11am -3pm.
My mouth dropped when I saw it, I quickly closed it. NO the hell he didn't just order that. Who is he lying to? My pot of stew came. I opened the lid to the stew. I saw the steam rise from the liquid, the mushrooms rose ontop. It smelled delicious. I stirred it to get a look at what else was in this vegan creation. (yeah it wasn't a vegetarian restaurant, it was vegan). It smelled great. I scooped the rice on my plate, poured some of the brown gravy ontop. I picked out a piece of fake shrimp and fake scallop along with some mushrooms (the only sure thing in there). I looked at him and his pitiful bowl of soup, but knew he wasn't hungry. But courtesy said to offer him a taste. "Did you want a taste?"
"Oh trust me I'm going to get some?" He seemed so eager.
Oookay. I nodded my head "OK"
I did not like the fake shrimp, or the fake scallop. I looked up and saw him take two to three scoops of my rice and heft it onto his plate. Then he took the same amount of scoops of my stew and hefted it onto his plate. At this point sheer and utter shock and stupifidication (yeah I know not a word) took over. I closed my eyes and opened them. No, he really was eating all my food.
"Mmmm, this good." he shoveled another hefty spoonful in his mouth "This is real good."
I don't remember what I said or if my mouth actually moved. It may have been a gentle nod or I may have just stared. At some point it occured to me to eat my food. But I actually didn't like the fake stuff I wanted the gravy and the vegetables. My plan was to pick over it and eat what I liked, of my meal. I snapped out it long enought to eat some more of the food on my plate. Which incidentally had about one third of the amount of food on his plate.
"Man this is good, I'm going to take some of this home to my brother."
What!
He continued to talk. I surfed around the pot and fetched a mushroom of sorts. He got seconds. He contined praising the food and talking about somethign else. I looked around the restaurant for the hidden camera's. Punked wasn't out yet, but Candid Camera sure was.
I guess since I had stopped eating he thought I was finished. Which I was. At that point I realized it was his meal. It had to have been. He asked for a to go plate. He continued to talk and chat and talk. "My brother is going to love this." He took the rest of the race and placed it in the styrofoam container then poured the broth on top. The little crunchy chips the sat on the table, he dumped into the small tray of his to go container. As he was closing the lid, he paused like an after thought and pointed to the food. "Oh did you want some of this."
I kindly shook my head "No."
He continued to talk, I looked at my watch. He paid the bill and we left. THEN he wanted me to listen to one of his groups. Really and truly I wanted to leave. I was HUNGRY!!! After all, I hadn't eaten dinner.
After listening to it I hopped in my car and darted on the expressway. I frantically searched the highway signs for locations of fast food restaurants. Wendys! yay, I exited and followed the signs, and FINALLY had my dinner. That was the BEST freaking burger of my life.
Worst Date - When "Bob" ate my freaking dinner.
Okay you're turn. What is your worst date.
Friday, February 9, 2007
OT - Something Bigger Than Me
I have decided to participate in the March of Dimes Walk A Thon.
Check out my blog on preparing for that experience as well as information on premature babies.
www.walkforhealthybabies.blogspot.org
Check out my blog on preparing for that experience as well as information on premature babies.
www.walkforhealthybabies.blogspot.org
Does he make you laugh
A few weeks ago a friend asked me that question about a guy I dated/was dating/was seeing (pick the term that appropriately fits, cause hell if I know).
I thought about it. "Well no, I mean I don't think so. I can't remember laughing or anything. I mean maybe."
Her response. "Well that's too bad...I stand by my question - Does he make you laugh, and darlin, if the answer is "not so much" then hit the ground runnin, cause it ain't worth it. Your laughter is totally contagious and if he does not bring that out in you. then he sucks! (For lack of a more mature way to say it ) "
The obvious conclusin that you as the reader will take from this is that my friend is from the south:)
But I began to think. Damn I don't think I've been with anyone that makes me laugh. That's damn depressing. I love to have fun, be goofy, be silly, be serious, and laugh. Its so freeing to me.
So really I have not been free. *Amistad quote* "Give us free"
Though I really only have five requirements (no kids, christian, no kids, tall, no kids) I will have to add "makes me laugh" because there is nothing pleasurable than being free to laugh and having someone bring that out in you. (Of course, this excludes wild, hot, floor shaking, knees quaking, swinging from the chandelier, bending over, flipping backwords, tilting, loving, suckiing, licking, on the verge of blackout, calling out names in five different languages until you become hoarse and lose the ability to speak and scream, sex)
I thought about it. "Well no, I mean I don't think so. I can't remember laughing or anything. I mean maybe."
Her response. "Well that's too bad...I stand by my question - Does he make you laugh, and darlin, if the answer is "not so much" then hit the ground runnin, cause it ain't worth it. Your laughter is totally contagious and if he does not bring that out in you. then he sucks! (For lack of a more mature way to say it ) "
The obvious conclusin that you as the reader will take from this is that my friend is from the south:)
But I began to think. Damn I don't think I've been with anyone that makes me laugh. That's damn depressing. I love to have fun, be goofy, be silly, be serious, and laugh. Its so freeing to me.
So really I have not been free. *Amistad quote* "Give us free"
Though I really only have five requirements (no kids, christian, no kids, tall, no kids) I will have to add "makes me laugh" because there is nothing pleasurable than being free to laugh and having someone bring that out in you. (Of course, this excludes wild, hot, floor shaking, knees quaking, swinging from the chandelier, bending over, flipping backwords, tilting, loving, suckiing, licking, on the verge of blackout, calling out names in five different languages until you become hoarse and lose the ability to speak and scream, sex)
Suckie Suckie Five Dolla
I came to realize the problem with having a blog about my dating life. If there are no dates, no drama, no "action" I really have nothing to post.
To keep my blog live and updated I have got to BEYOND put myself out there. I'll practically be walking the streets. Skip the short skirt and tight top.
Thongs and tassles all the way.
So readers I hope you appreciate what all I'm going to do to have somethign to update on this blog.
To keep my blog live and updated I have got to BEYOND put myself out there. I'll practically be walking the streets. Skip the short skirt and tight top.
Thongs and tassles all the way.
So readers I hope you appreciate what all I'm going to do to have somethign to update on this blog.
Out of the Lions Den and...Into the Lion's Den???
Sooo since I put it out there that I would have "company" on Sunday I guess I have to actually tell what happened.
It went quite well, outside of the text "Help" to my friend who called and came over in 15 minutes all went well. Got back in the grove of things for my writing and that's it.
In retropsect trying to figure out where it all turned left, was it the tour of the apartment, the hug, I'm sure it was something.
Sooo, there will be no more writing in private settings thats for damn sure. Determined is an understatement. The man is on a mission.
*if you are thinking I've left out a lot and I'm being vague, well you're right*
It went quite well, outside of the text "Help" to my friend who called and came over in 15 minutes all went well. Got back in the grove of things for my writing and that's it.
In retropsect trying to figure out where it all turned left, was it the tour of the apartment, the hug, I'm sure it was something.
Sooo, there will be no more writing in private settings thats for damn sure. Determined is an understatement. The man is on a mission.
*if you are thinking I've left out a lot and I'm being vague, well you're right*
Determinded much??
Valentines day rolls around and as usual I celebrate it with the one I love...myself. Deciding against getting drunk and taking advantage of myself I opted to go have dinner and drinks with friends at a local tavern.
I invited my new male friend. Now let me explain friend. I don't mean "friend" but a real friend. We did at one point try to date, but I realized we werent compatible and asked to just be friends, while explaining my issues.
Fast forward to Valentines. I invite him out to go to the tavern (as I did with my other friends). He said maybe since he was very anti-Valentines day.
So I'm the first to arrive at the place and I have a drink and a salad while waiting for my always late friends. He said he would stop by just to say hi to me.
He is a fellow writer, we hugged, talked about writing and then
He asked if I was still single and let me know he was still going to pursue me. It was now a challenge and he wasn't giving up.
Uuuh what does one say to that? I felt like a sheep being preyed on by the big bad wolf.
BTW - He said that BEFORE I invited him over to write with me on Sunday. Check out the future postings for that one.
I invited my new male friend. Now let me explain friend. I don't mean "friend" but a real friend. We did at one point try to date, but I realized we werent compatible and asked to just be friends, while explaining my issues.
Fast forward to Valentines. I invite him out to go to the tavern (as I did with my other friends). He said maybe since he was very anti-Valentines day.
So I'm the first to arrive at the place and I have a drink and a salad while waiting for my always late friends. He said he would stop by just to say hi to me.
He is a fellow writer, we hugged, talked about writing and then
He asked if I was still single and let me know he was still going to pursue me. It was now a challenge and he wasn't giving up.
Uuuh what does one say to that? I felt like a sheep being preyed on by the big bad wolf.
BTW - He said that BEFORE I invited him over to write with me on Sunday. Check out the future postings for that one.
The Offer
So still out there, dating...of sorts.
"Ummmm… maybe we could meet, compare edges, and write a piece together about our special encounters… let's have dinner on Monday night."
What the hell 'special encounters' am I supposed to be collaborating on? Is it me?
"Ummmm… maybe we could meet, compare edges, and write a piece together about our special encounters… let's have dinner on Monday night."
What the hell 'special encounters' am I supposed to be collaborating on? Is it me?
Enjoy the Seasons
As some of you may know I had a death in the family. I went to Texas and stayed with my brother and family. I brought back many things from that trip and decided to post them on my blog (see death and skeletons in the closet). Every morning I woke up when the house woke up. My brother, then my sister-in-law, then their kids (12 year old twins). One morning I woke up and cooked breakfast and a couple of times I cooked dinner. Yes I was fully stepford wives domesticated. Hell one morning I woke up to the kids fighting to which I told them to carry their asses to school. But I digress, when I came home to peace and emptiness I truly appreciated it. Not that I didn't enjoy my stay with my brother, because I did. But that wasn't my life, my season.Too many times we complain about where we are in our lives instead of truly appreciating it. When you're single you want to be married. So that becomes your focus "where are the men," "I need a man," "I'm getting older and I'm not married," etc. Guess what if you spend your singlehood complaining and desperate for marriage and family you'll spend your married life regretting you didn't do all there was to do when you were single.Enjoy the season you are in.Don't worry that there is no one to take you to the movies, go with your friends or *gasp* go alone. You want to check out that new restaurant...GO!!! You want to travel - then travel! Don't wait for a life you don't have. Do it now. Enjoy the time, the season. Make the fullest of it. Don't take it for granted. That way when you're in your next season, there are no regrets and you can truly appreciate every moment and nuance (well maybe not every) or your new season.Your life is like a train, it keeps moving making different stops and as with a train people get on and people get off. If you stop/dock your train cause you're "looking" for something or someone, you'll never have other people getting on. And you just might miss the picking up the person that will bring you into another destination, or season.So until then I will enjoy my singlehood, my apartment with me being the only resident. I'll cherish that I'm the only one i have to take care of, cook and clean for. Oh yeah, I'm loving every minute of it. And thanks to a little trip to the big state of Texas, I'll never complain or take it for granted again.
Carpe Moment
If I knew how to say moment in latin I would have used it. I'm all for carpe diem (seize the day), but you may not have a day. Seize the moment. For every breath, every moment, every second is blessing. It is not guaranteed that you will have another.
Yesterday morning I was notified of the death of a family member. She was young, healthy, and really by all "technical" accounts should still be alive, but she is not. She went to sleep and didn't wake up.
I called every person I had been "meaning" to call, thinking about, and just had a fleeting thought. You never know if you will have another opportunity.
On that same note, if you are not happy with your life, your job, your whatever, change it. Could of, should of, would of won't cut it. Carpe moment. Be happy, fulfill your dreams, make a mark on this world. Call relatives that you've been harboring a grudge on, you don't want the last word to be a word of malice.
Carpe moment, is there some woman/man you're digging? Say something! Quit staring! Carpe moment, you never know if you'll get another.
Yesterday morning I was notified of the death of a family member. She was young, healthy, and really by all "technical" accounts should still be alive, but she is not. She went to sleep and didn't wake up.
I called every person I had been "meaning" to call, thinking about, and just had a fleeting thought. You never know if you will have another opportunity.
On that same note, if you are not happy with your life, your job, your whatever, change it. Could of, should of, would of won't cut it. Carpe moment. Be happy, fulfill your dreams, make a mark on this world. Call relatives that you've been harboring a grudge on, you don't want the last word to be a word of malice.
Carpe moment, is there some woman/man you're digging? Say something! Quit staring! Carpe moment, you never know if you'll get another.
What is your foundation?
Relationships, they are built upon a foundation. Assuming you date not to date anymore, hell even if you don't. Whatever you have must be built on a foundation of something.
The foundation is what you absolutely need in a partner in order to continue, to build. My foundation is faith (must be Christian), communication (listen and talk, don't like to pull teeth), NO KIDS (yup, I should have put that second). And sure all the other normal stuff (honesty, yada yada ya)
The foundation is unbreakable. This means, there is no compromise, no "well we'll just see," or "he could change." You either have what it takes to build that foundation or you don't.
In order to build on it, you MUST know what your foundation is. And knowing that is knowing yourself. If you don't know maybe it's time to do a little self exploration.
Recently, I met someone to which I know I cannot build a foundation. I am Christian and he "might" believe in "a light at the end of the tunnel." Hey to each his own, no judgement. But I realize that I can't build a foundation from that. There is no up to go, because there is no building.
What a bummer too, cause I liked the guy. But in the end, he is for someone else not me.
Another thing is it does not take long to figure out if has the ingredients for your foundation. It should not take three months, two months, hell really after the third date you should know. (not if he is "the one," that's only in romance novels, but rather that is NOT the one).
So I ask you, what is your foundation?
The foundation is what you absolutely need in a partner in order to continue, to build. My foundation is faith (must be Christian), communication (listen and talk, don't like to pull teeth), NO KIDS (yup, I should have put that second). And sure all the other normal stuff (honesty, yada yada ya)
The foundation is unbreakable. This means, there is no compromise, no "well we'll just see," or "he could change." You either have what it takes to build that foundation or you don't.
In order to build on it, you MUST know what your foundation is. And knowing that is knowing yourself. If you don't know maybe it's time to do a little self exploration.
Recently, I met someone to which I know I cannot build a foundation. I am Christian and he "might" believe in "a light at the end of the tunnel." Hey to each his own, no judgement. But I realize that I can't build a foundation from that. There is no up to go, because there is no building.
What a bummer too, cause I liked the guy. But in the end, he is for someone else not me.
Another thing is it does not take long to figure out if has the ingredients for your foundation. It should not take three months, two months, hell really after the third date you should know. (not if he is "the one," that's only in romance novels, but rather that is NOT the one).
So I ask you, what is your foundation?
The Laziness of Men
How do you spend your third date? What's the date number that you end up "chilling" or doing a "movie night"?(Before I begin on my rant it is not pertaining to any date I've had recently. It's based off of a conversation a friend of mine and I had a while ago).Before I begin my rant I realize that the actual dating/courtship process is expensive. Dinner and a movie is NOT what it used to be. That's why my first date is always a coffee house or a appetizers. 1. It doesn't break the bank for a man that doesn't know me enough to spend money 2. We can both make a quick and easy get away. I mean how long does it take to drink coffee. You don't have to wait until the end of the meal.Now if you decide on a second date, well you've decided that maybe she is worth a movie, or something. Movies are expensive now adays.A couple of weeks ago, I had a day of KD. That's where I went to the movies and dinner...with myself. Why wait for someone to take you. I really enjoyed myself that day. (I actually met up with a friend afterwards, but still had to pay for my dinner).When I got home I stood in the mirror and tallied up my receipts for my date with myself. I added the movie, the slushie, dinner, drinks, and parking. When I totaled the evening date with myself, I looked myself in the mirror and in no uncertain terms indicated "All this money I spent, you know you putting out tonight right!"To get back on topic, it's expensive so I can see why folks want to do the "blockbuster night." When do you do it is the question. Have we gotten so lazy that after two nights out its time for someone to come over your house or vice versa. (Now obviously if you both are wanting sex by this point, then yeah you're too damn old to do it the backseat of a car...unless you doing the exhibitionist thing. You both have homes, so go over one of you guys place, and do it all throughout the house). I am protective of all things "me" related. Which means I'm not inviting a stranger over my house. And meeting someone twice does not make them your long lost buddy worthy of trusting them in your home. (Of course, I think their is some big espionage plot behind everything, so I maybe an exception to the rule. But I like being the exception).Having given an excuse for all possible reasons to "chill" at someone's place for the third date (hell or even second. After three you can stop counting), I think it is ultimately downright laziness for folks to do it and more importantly men to suggest it. So you're tired of spending money, be creative. All of you that write "loves walks in the park" in your online profiles certainly never suggest it. Think about it, when was the last time someone said "lets go walk in the park"....I'm still waiting.By the third date you should almost be finished with the "weeding." Anything you haven't asked, ask. Anything you don't know, find out. Is someone's house the best way to do it. (Not to mention if you're not planning on having sex, you're putting yourself in a very intimate situation.) The third date - the critical date, it shouldn't be the lazy date. You can do that on 4...if there is one.Did I mention that I live by a whole bunch of rules no one knows about. Hunh, maybe I need to work on that.P.S. I will work on it but not compromise my integrity. Yes Pornwriters have integrity too. (Or so I've been told).No going over someone's house on the third date is rule number 32586-c (for those of you who don't get the joke, no I don't actually have a tally count and numbering system. Nor do I have 32K rules.)
Say it Loud, I'm Black And I'm Proud
So I was having date number two with the guy who caused me to eat crow. (See previous No Sex in the City post). We decided on dinner and a movie. Originally we were going to see Pan's Labyrinth, but it has not been released in Atlanta yet.He asked "Is there anything you've been dying to see?"Now of course the answer was yes, there was a movie I had been dying to see. Because of my lazy moping around I hadn't made it to see it. So I debated the answer. Thinking of who goes to see the movie and the reaction. So now let's talk about my beautiful people.MY people when a movie is good, shout out at the screen. When its riveting they comment. I had a friend text me from the movie with this"...Why are people shouting and clapping like it's church."Oh yeah THAT'S my people. So now did I want to go to see a movie that I knew envoked so much...reaction from my people.Well hell yeah! It is what it is. I love my folks good, bad, and ugly. If I get to pick the movie, then I'm going to see my hearts desire. I don't care, I'm black and I proud and dammit we are going to see the movie."Yes, actually there is one...Dreamgirls."I explained what dreamgirls was about and we made plans to see the movie and grab a bite from the restaurant next door."Really I don't care what movie we see, I just want to see you." I turned red from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I'm a sucker for purty words.Did I mention I have a tendency to overthink things?
You should write real stories like Zane
To write or not to write...
That is the questionI'm sure at this point you have seen my commentaries on admitting I write erotica. So I won't rehash old issues, but bring to the table the new one that happened TODAY. So I'm on the phone. Normal questions about what do you do.
"Oh I write."
"What do you write?"
Believing that I've learned from previous mistakes "Fiction."
"What type?"
"Just general fiction."
"Oh that's cool, based on real stories and life."
So that's when I had the epiphany. Those who don't write would probably assume that is comes from real life. I mean it's not like I told him I wrote paranormal, sci-fi, and fantasy. (Which of course, is what I write. It just happens to have the word erotic in front of it)."No, nothing real. All made up." (Now I do believe that some of the best stories have a bit of truth to them or are based on it...but I digress)
"Oh so you have a really creative mind."
*mental shrug* "Yeah, I guess"
[A small break to discuss the job that pays by bills. Also known as working for massa aka "slave for the man"]
"You know you could write real life stories like Zane."
*mental sigh* Damn, Damn, DamnThe moral of the story - I can't win for losing.
Stay tuned for more posts of No Sex in the City.
That is the questionI'm sure at this point you have seen my commentaries on admitting I write erotica. So I won't rehash old issues, but bring to the table the new one that happened TODAY. So I'm on the phone. Normal questions about what do you do.
"Oh I write."
"What do you write?"
Believing that I've learned from previous mistakes "Fiction."
"What type?"
"Just general fiction."
"Oh that's cool, based on real stories and life."
So that's when I had the epiphany. Those who don't write would probably assume that is comes from real life. I mean it's not like I told him I wrote paranormal, sci-fi, and fantasy. (Which of course, is what I write. It just happens to have the word erotic in front of it)."No, nothing real. All made up." (Now I do believe that some of the best stories have a bit of truth to them or are based on it...but I digress)
"Oh so you have a really creative mind."
*mental shrug* "Yeah, I guess"
[A small break to discuss the job that pays by bills. Also known as working for massa aka "slave for the man"]
"You know you could write real life stories like Zane."
*mental sigh* Damn, Damn, DamnThe moral of the story - I can't win for losing.
Stay tuned for more posts of No Sex in the City.
Interracial Dating
I've been thinking about having a seperate blog of my dating life called no sex in the city. I think I will just integrate that into this blog. (I am clearly on a roll).so here are some updates/commentary
Interacial Dating
Let me first say to each his own. If you found love in another color. More power to you. I don't care. I won't stare. I'm not leering. Get yours. As long as he/she treats you right and takes care of you. Go for it!Now those who know me know I said I would never ever never ever ever ever ever ever date a white man. To each his own, but I prefer mochachino, dark chocolate, caramel, hot chocolate, paper bag brown. I would take light, bright, and damn near white (red foxx quote). The problem with saying never is sometimes you MAY have to eat crow. The only poultry I'm a fan of is chicken (I know could I not be more of a stereotype). However, due to recent events (we'll save that for a more controversial post) I have decided to open my horizons. So let me first get this out of the way.Server "You order ma'am...crow"KD looks down at the plate. "Uuuh, thanks"Server "Could you please taste it."KD "You didn't even pluck the feathers."Server gives me an evil leer and smile "I know!"KD Dammit "Yeah okay." cuts into crow. Begins chocking on the feathers. "It's nasty as hell."Server "I know, next time don't use the word 'never' and you won't have to eat it again."KD *big sigh.* Dammit he's right.So I went out on a date with *gasp* a white guy. It was the 2nd best date ever. (That's all I'm saying on this. Well except that he DID NOT ask if my writing was real). Hell that same week I went out on a date with an East Indian guy (I wish I could have high praises for him as well, but I don't And before anything says something it has nothign to do with his ethnicity and everything to do with him). Like I said I'm all about exploring my options now. To hell with the box. I am currently on operation Polynesian male. Hey it's something about them I find sexy. Body type, complexion, got the black nose...yeah. And really I want to go to a Luau. Calling all Polynesians (even those mixed with polynesian)
Interacial Dating
Let me first say to each his own. If you found love in another color. More power to you. I don't care. I won't stare. I'm not leering. Get yours. As long as he/she treats you right and takes care of you. Go for it!Now those who know me know I said I would never ever never ever ever ever ever ever date a white man. To each his own, but I prefer mochachino, dark chocolate, caramel, hot chocolate, paper bag brown. I would take light, bright, and damn near white (red foxx quote). The problem with saying never is sometimes you MAY have to eat crow. The only poultry I'm a fan of is chicken (I know could I not be more of a stereotype). However, due to recent events (we'll save that for a more controversial post) I have decided to open my horizons. So let me first get this out of the way.Server "You order ma'am...crow"KD looks down at the plate. "Uuuh, thanks"Server "Could you please taste it."KD "You didn't even pluck the feathers."Server gives me an evil leer and smile "I know!"KD Dammit "Yeah okay." cuts into crow. Begins chocking on the feathers. "It's nasty as hell."Server "I know, next time don't use the word 'never' and you won't have to eat it again."KD *big sigh.* Dammit he's right.So I went out on a date with *gasp* a white guy. It was the 2nd best date ever. (That's all I'm saying on this. Well except that he DID NOT ask if my writing was real). Hell that same week I went out on a date with an East Indian guy (I wish I could have high praises for him as well, but I don't And before anything says something it has nothign to do with his ethnicity and everything to do with him). Like I said I'm all about exploring my options now. To hell with the box. I am currently on operation Polynesian male. Hey it's something about them I find sexy. Body type, complexion, got the black nose...yeah. And really I want to go to a Luau. Calling all Polynesians (even those mixed with polynesian)
Two Deadliest STD's in the Black Community pt. II
Okay we've already discussed KIDS as an STD, now lets discuss AIDS.Black women are the highest number of reported new cases. Why?And I'm not being sarcastic or retorical here. I really mean it. That has always confused me, cause it seems that with black women should have been black men. But it's just the women. So is it that the men knew and they cases have been reported. So they are sleepign with women KNOWING the have HIV? I don't know. If it is the case, then who is to blame. I KNOW beyond of shadow of a doubt that no man can give me an STD without first knocking my ass otu and drugging me or holding a gun to my head. (provided I haven't cut him with my shank...hey I'm from Chicago). Why? Cause I do three things.1. I don't sleep with just anyone2. I demand an STD test before intimacy3. I demand condom useNot some of the above, but all of the above. (See next blog "No Sex in the City")Whatever the reason for the rise in HIV numbers amongst women in our community. We have to realize this disease is not like the flu. You can't just catch it. As I typed that I realized, even the flu is preventable with a shot. A cold is pretty preventable by taking Airbourne or similar product. And guess what AIDS is preventable by caring about your own life and protecting it.If someone was standing on top of a building shooting bullets would you run out there? HELL NOIf someone said tomorrow you will die if you leave your house. Would you leave your house? HELL NOIf someone told you tomorrow someone is going to aim a gun at your chest an shoot. Guess what tomorrow I'd be wearing a bullet proof vest (or that shit they wore in Lord of the Rings)I am telling you, if you don't wear a condom you will die.WEAR A CONDOM There are some women who get this disease in a committed relationship. Their partner has passed it on to them.To my sisters that have contracted the disease like this I am very sorry. Actually to all my sisters living with HIV. I am very sorry.I am at a loss on what to do to stop men from cheating and bringing their diseases back home to their women. I am open to the discussion so we can get this disease under wraps and stop the destruction of our community.
Two Deadliest STD's in the black Community pt. I
I know everyone knows what the first on is. But let me break down the two STD's that are hurting and killing us as a community. The saddest part is these diseases are 100% preventable.
AIDS
KIDS
Yeah I know I'm wrong, I listed kids as an STD...and they are. Shit I don't know if I'm more afraid of getting AIDS or KIDS. I don't believe in having living things in my place, that's why I don't even have a plant. But I digress. This is not to say that I don't want to have a family - a husband and children. But notice what I have said HUSBAND.We have alot of children out here being raised by one parent. Before I go into my tyraide I am NOT talking to people who were married and got divorced. Hell sometimes shit doesn't work out. But you gave it that ole college try.What I am talking about are the "accidents" that come when you don't protect yourself. AGAIN, I am not talking about ACCIDENTS that occur when you are in a committed relationship. That is different (I say committed cause you maybe like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They are in a serious committed relationship, but are NOT married. To each his own.)When you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas...or a disease.Who really suffers when all your child has is a sperm donor or a "baby daddy". The kid. And yes, yes I know you're doing the best you can, but dammit its not good enough. You're not supposed to do it alone. (Please see above for who I'm not talking to). One condom, one solution, one prevention. There is some atrocious number of black children being raised by single parents (I know it was over 60% I think it was over 80%). This hurts us as a community.I met a woman who once said to me "My children have the same father, that's all I ever wanted...for my kids to have the same last name."WOW!!! I think that speaks wonders. What the hell kind of goal is that?I'm going to quote Chris Rock on this folks always want credit for stuff they are SUPPOSED to do. (Again, I am not talking to those who remarried and our nuclear and extended families). Have our priorities and what we except gotten so low that given birth to kids by the same man is the biggest accomplishment we can come up with.Who is thinking of our children?If there is "baby daddy" and "baby mama" drama, then there is some kid stuck in the middle of it absorbing it all.I have many friends who are single with no kids (Can I get an applause please). Do you know what kind of hell they get for that. "Why don't you have any kids."Their response is usually "I'm not married" or some variation thereof. They get talked about like a DOG. "Oh well you're just selfish. That's just selfish of you not to have kids." "Don't you think about anyone outside of yourself."I am not talking about isolated incidents. I am talking about a consistent badgering for making a choice not to have children. (and therefore no baby daddy or baby daddy "drama")I think it was selfless. To make the decision that I want my child to benefit from two parents (even if in the end it doesn't work out). I want to be able to provide my child with loving home without drama (again before you beat up on me I know originaly intention and end result are not always the same. I am speaking of original intention).What's really a shame is that I have to have all of these parenthesis in here because I know this is a "controversial" topic. But hell we need to talk about it. I'm not saying don't have sex (Though it is the 100% way to not get a disease). I am saying be smart about it. Protect yourself. Think and be safe in everything you do, because you may not be the only person to pay for your one night stand. Or you on again off again 'relationship'. You may not be the only one to pay for your bad desicions. (And Lord knows we are ALL guilty of making bad decisions).Our children are our futureWhat kind of future are we really headed for? Stop the cycle, break the pattern, make a real future.So yes I stand by my original quote protect yourself cause you may get a KID. They are an emotional, finiancial, and physical stress (and yes I know they are a blessing, but I'm being real and honest). If you cannot handle that and are not ready for that...alone, then protect yourself.
AIDS
KIDS
Yeah I know I'm wrong, I listed kids as an STD...and they are. Shit I don't know if I'm more afraid of getting AIDS or KIDS. I don't believe in having living things in my place, that's why I don't even have a plant. But I digress. This is not to say that I don't want to have a family - a husband and children. But notice what I have said HUSBAND.We have alot of children out here being raised by one parent. Before I go into my tyraide I am NOT talking to people who were married and got divorced. Hell sometimes shit doesn't work out. But you gave it that ole college try.What I am talking about are the "accidents" that come when you don't protect yourself. AGAIN, I am not talking about ACCIDENTS that occur when you are in a committed relationship. That is different (I say committed cause you maybe like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They are in a serious committed relationship, but are NOT married. To each his own.)When you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas...or a disease.Who really suffers when all your child has is a sperm donor or a "baby daddy". The kid. And yes, yes I know you're doing the best you can, but dammit its not good enough. You're not supposed to do it alone. (Please see above for who I'm not talking to). One condom, one solution, one prevention. There is some atrocious number of black children being raised by single parents (I know it was over 60% I think it was over 80%). This hurts us as a community.I met a woman who once said to me "My children have the same father, that's all I ever wanted...for my kids to have the same last name."WOW!!! I think that speaks wonders. What the hell kind of goal is that?I'm going to quote Chris Rock on this folks always want credit for stuff they are SUPPOSED to do. (Again, I am not talking to those who remarried and our nuclear and extended families). Have our priorities and what we except gotten so low that given birth to kids by the same man is the biggest accomplishment we can come up with.Who is thinking of our children?If there is "baby daddy" and "baby mama" drama, then there is some kid stuck in the middle of it absorbing it all.I have many friends who are single with no kids (Can I get an applause please). Do you know what kind of hell they get for that. "Why don't you have any kids."Their response is usually "I'm not married" or some variation thereof. They get talked about like a DOG. "Oh well you're just selfish. That's just selfish of you not to have kids." "Don't you think about anyone outside of yourself."I am not talking about isolated incidents. I am talking about a consistent badgering for making a choice not to have children. (and therefore no baby daddy or baby daddy "drama")I think it was selfless. To make the decision that I want my child to benefit from two parents (even if in the end it doesn't work out). I want to be able to provide my child with loving home without drama (again before you beat up on me I know originaly intention and end result are not always the same. I am speaking of original intention).What's really a shame is that I have to have all of these parenthesis in here because I know this is a "controversial" topic. But hell we need to talk about it. I'm not saying don't have sex (Though it is the 100% way to not get a disease). I am saying be smart about it. Protect yourself. Think and be safe in everything you do, because you may not be the only person to pay for your one night stand. Or you on again off again 'relationship'. You may not be the only one to pay for your bad desicions. (And Lord knows we are ALL guilty of making bad decisions).Our children are our futureWhat kind of future are we really headed for? Stop the cycle, break the pattern, make a real future.So yes I stand by my original quote protect yourself cause you may get a KID. They are an emotional, finiancial, and physical stress (and yes I know they are a blessing, but I'm being real and honest). If you cannot handle that and are not ready for that...alone, then protect yourself.
If I Were A Man My Schlong Would Fall Off
That is not my quote it's a friend of mine. Okay we live in Atlanta, we go out pretty often (like once a week or once every other week...hey that's often for me). Anyway we were out observing. I don't know if this is a phenomenon in cities where women greatly outnumber men, but women were throwing themselves at men, starting the conversations, everything. I've said I don't see alot of effort being made on the male part anymore, but hell I know why. And so I must agree with my friend. If I were a man, I wouldn't have a job. I would be kept by all these women and fuck five to ten different women a day, 7 days a week, 20 hours a day. Hell, I would survive with only 4 hours of sleep. And that is not a difficult task. Yes I would be so knee deep my dick would fall off. As my friend said "I'd just be walking one day and it would drop. Hey what's that 'my dick'!"Why reach for an apple off the tree when so many have dropped to the ground. Or are so low hanging they are right in your face (cuz really you might have to exert some effort to bend over and pick up the ones off the ground. And really who has the time and energy for that).Now, let me explain something I am all about doing what you want and when you want it. Ladies, if all you want is some dick. Go get it, be safe about it (see next post on the two deadly diseases), but do you. I write erotica so I would be one hell of a hypocrite to talk about being virtuous (however, it is FICTION...see previous posts). I will say this though, don't work so hard to get it. Don't be the low hanging fruit on the tree, or worse the apples that have fallen to the ground, with nothing to hold them up (no dignity...nothing).And for the men...well really I have nothing to say. Hell I've been observing and like I said If I were a man I'd be hitting a different woman every hour, just cause I could. I don't believe everything is the man's fault. The men should do this and that and this. With so much low hanging fruit, hell you might just be hungry.
Et Tu Brute
So I'm chilling in Chicago for the holidays. It's Christmas eve. I'm in my Dad's office taking care of some stuff for him on the computer.Typing up easy to use directions, finding some software, etc.
He asks me "Uuuh can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah sure Dad, anything?"
"Its kind of personal."
Now I'm thinking he is asking for the hundreth time if I'm dating, do I have a boyfriend, do I want to get married have kids. You know the normal pressure one gets being 29 and single.
"How do you research for your stories?"
Et tu brute...et tu?
He asks me "Uuuh can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah sure Dad, anything?"
"Its kind of personal."
Now I'm thinking he is asking for the hundreth time if I'm dating, do I have a boyfriend, do I want to get married have kids. You know the normal pressure one gets being 29 and single.
"How do you research for your stories?"
Et tu brute...et tu?
I'm Not a Ho, And I'm Not Ashamed
I write romance and erotica. Writing takes skill and creativity. It is a profession like any other profession. I'm working to make it a career and it is currentlya job (one to which I have to work really hard to get accepted anywhere. Never mind marketing, business, and all that great stuff that goes with it).I'm sometimes reluctant to say "I write romance and erotica," because I know someone is going to assume because of that I'm a ho. I just go sleeping with any and everyone and then write about it.I went out on a date Thursday (one I was reluctant to go on in the first place. Lesson - listen to the internal voice). The guy said "Oh well that's not a talent anyone can write about an experience." WTF???? Then he went on to explain his point and devalidate my rebuttles. And in that insulted me alot more than his original comment. (Some would be shocked to know that this does not even qualify as my worst date...not even close). Thank God we only had tea. I knew better than to have dinner with him. The date would have lasted too long. Not just two days later a guy asks me "Soo you have alot of sex and experiences so you can write?" What really pissed me off was the guy was a writer. He writes mystery.I asked "Does anyone ever ask if you if you solve a bunch of cases and catch a bunch of murders...writing mystery and all."Again he defeanded his position and the difference...what the hell. (At this point I was exhausted, twice in three days. I got off the phone. Cause even though he "realized" the difference he never apologize for his rude statement)I'm always reluctant to admit what I write because I know some people will mistake my FICTION writing for my lifestyle. Though I doubt mystery writers are bombarded with STUPID questions of whether they solve mysteries for a living. I would be willing to bet the sci-fi writers aren't question as to whether they have traveled to galaxies far far away or are building a space ship in their backyard...experiences and all. Hmmm was Rawlings questioned about the magic school she attended...you know inspiration for Harry Potter. Hmm, and natuarally Stephen king was a demonic clown which is why he was able to write It.So I realize it's probably wishful thinking on some peoples part, Oh she writes erotica...easy lay. But dayum to then voice it out loud "Oh you write erotica, so you're having alot of sex?" Hell I know prostitutes that get treated with better class and respect. (This is not to say that prostitutes don't deserve respect...every human does.)And NO this is not some subtle message to say I should stop writing erotica. I love it. I love turning on my music letting my creative mind flow. I love coming up with new and different plots, different scenes, different worlds. I love thinking outside of the box and seeing those words come to life. And I wouldn't give that up for the world.When I started writing this blog I was going to go into more personal detail, defeanding my innocence, but then I realized I don't have to. Not for assholes out there anyway. Those who know me or take the time to know the answer and truly know who I am. It's just a shame people don't realize that my decision and passion for writing erotica (FICTION) is not an autobiography or memoirs of my life or a "review" of sex I've had.So for those of you stupid enough to question it, let me tell you NOW "You won't get any. I'm not sleeping with you, nor am I a HO!"And guess what "I WRITE EROTICA AND I'M NOT ASHAMED!!! I'M DAMN PROUD AND IT IS A TALENT. IT'S CALLED CREATIVITY!!!"P.S. Before one comments on my web address www.myspace.com/pornwriter the first five choices I wanted were taken. And I do realize that because I write scenes that are sometimes explicit people will define that as porn. And guess what I DON'T CARE!For those of you who want a definition of erotica and romance I'm copying and pasting directly from Gwyneth Bolton's blog (she quoted another source if you want to know that source go to her blog). Keep in mind I write EROTIC ROMANCE.Porn: stories written for the express purpose of causing sexual titillation. Plot, character development, and romance are NOT primary to these stories. They are designed to sexually arouse the reader and nothing else.""Erotica: stories written about the sexual journey of the characters and how this impacts them as individuals. Emotion and character growth are important facets of a true erotic story. However, erotica is NOT designed to show the development of a romantic relationship, although it's not prohibited if the author chooses to explore romance. Happily Ever Afters are NOT an intrinsic part of erotica, though they can be included.""Erotic Romance: stories written about the development of a romantic relationship through sexual interaction. The sex is an inherent part of the story, character growth, and relationship development, and couldn't be removed without damaging the storyline. Happily Ever After is a REQUIREMENT to be an erotic romance.""Sexy Romance: stories written about the development of a romantic relationship that just happen to have more explicit sex. The sex is not an inherent part of the story, character growth, or relationship development, and it could easily be removed or 'toned down' without damaging the storyline. Happily Ever After is a REQUIREMENT as this is basically a standard romance with hotter sex."
Time for a change
I figured it was time to move the former "No Sex in the City" blog to its own space. It is now called "No Sex in the Metro" (No Sex in the City was taken)
I'll be reposting my previous post so all you newbies can catch up.
No Sex in the Metro is the dating blog of sensual and erotic romance writer KD King
I'll be reposting my previous post so all you newbies can catch up.
No Sex in the Metro is the dating blog of sensual and erotic romance writer KD King
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